Friday Remake - Seriously?

When I first heard they were remaking "Friday the 13th", the groan probably shook our windows. In a sad display of evaporating originality, Hollywood has made it a mission to destroy the genre I so adore by remaking every single movie I've loved since childhood. My Bloody Valentine, Amityville Horror, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Fog... Halloween - Hell, even Michael Myers wasn't safe when they turned Rob Zombie loose to interpret the killer John Carpenter once described as "a force of nature" because he was just that...a force of nature. Zombie interpreted this to mean that he was a product of an in-bred, trailer-trash abusive family and a stripper mother. Of course, that must be what John Carpenter meant by "force of nature"!!!

But, being the fangirl that I am, I looked forward to seeing Jason on the big screen again. Nothing gets my blood flowing like witnessing others lose theirs (in a movie, of course!!!) and if it's by Jason's hands, machete, axe, arrow, etc, then the happier I am!

Who the hell was I kidding? What was I expecting? Did I actually expect anything good to come out of Platinum Dunes, the company financing this mess? Sadly, I did, and sadly, I was mistaken.

I'll spare you the review as odds are you don't care. But I will say that I'm completely able to suspend disbelief when watching these types of movies. You have to, or else you just won't enjoy it. It's not realistic, and that's the fun of it. But there were at least two dozen times during this "film" that I wanted to yell "WTF!!!!!!!?????"

For instance:

-If I ever met anyone that talked like the kids do in this movie, I'd beg Jason to kill me just so I wouldn't have to listen.

-Who water skis without a top on? Joe enjoyed that, but really?

-If you hadn't seen the original, would you even understand the impact of Jason's mom's beheading? Would you even understand WHY she was beheaded?

-What happened to the girl that beheaded mom? We know she survived, so wouldn't she have TOLD someone what she went through? Like, the COPS?

-But A few years later, another group goes to the camp and gets slaughtered. A cop tells one inquisitive man that they sent the best men out to look for clues on the missing teens and found nothing and have no reason to suspect foul play. REALLY???? After a massacre a few years back and now 8 teens are missing, they suspect nothing and found nothing. Not even the bloodied, busted up GPS our third group finds sitting in the middle of the damn hiking trail. Or the abandoned cabin Jason's been calling home, complete with severed head. Booby traps? The fact that the abandoned camp was lit up like a carnival at night??? Crystal Lake's finest force hard at work here.

-Back to mom, would you even have known that was her stupid head in the cabin?

-The rats were eating everything else, but NOT her severed head?

-When did Jason have time or skill to create such elaborate exterior lighting? And who is paying for that? Surely the power company would notice electricity being used at an abandoned camp.

-And in between the electric triumphs, when and how on Earth did he learn to create all those trenches and underground passageways? Again, there they are in plain sight and the cops never found them in their massive investigation????

-Jason now uses warning system traps? To alert him that someone is coming and his secrets may be revealed? Does he really give a shit?

-Why did Jason look so feverishly through 3 canoes for intruders only to basically shrug it off and walk away? Short attention span?

-Could the writers and directors have made it any LESS climactic when he found his mask? It was to become his identity for chrissakes!

-There are a bunch of teens missing and our "good" girl decides to take a hike with the creepy guy she JUST met?

-And finally....the wood chipper is begging to be used in a creative kill, especially for the demise of our man Jason. But what do the two stupid loser "survivors" decide to do? Turn it off and CARRY the presumed-dead serial killer to the lake where then dump him into his "grave". Why not just secure his fate in the barn? Why on Earth would you dump the evidence Crystal Lake's finest would need to confirm the story?????????

Ugh, I'm just sickened. In fact, I think I'll watch the original today while I'm working out. It may not have been Oscar-worthy, but it wasn't this shit pile.

A Good Haircut = A New Woman!

Don't you just love how you feel after you get a good haircut? Luckily, for me, almost every haircut is a good one (in the sense that it's never botched up, not meaning that I've always made the best judgment call on style) because I've found the uber-stylist... I have naturally curly hair and until 3 years ago, I resigned myself to the fact that I would always have a "fro". White girl with big hair. Bell-head. Poodle-head. Goldilocks. Bush. (weird that that one came from my Uncle. If the high school boys ever caught wind of that one.....)

Then I met Megan and my life changed. She completely understood my hair and knew exactly how to deal with it. Taught me how to tame it. Showed me the right products (you mean Pantene wasn't working???). Gave me a "style." It was fantastic. You know why she knows how to deal with my hair??? Because I have "black hair." Yep, me, the whitest girl on the planet (in many senses of the word), I have african american hair. Who knew I wasted my hair youth on white stylists??

Whatever the hell it is, I've got it under control and feel like a new woman today. I cannot believe how long and out of control it was. Sure, I dabbled in the idea of growing it out, but in the name of my own sanity, we nixed that idea. Back to easy, low maintenance and stylish. Ahhhh....

Now, if only she could trim my thighs.

How to ruin a perfectly good day / I'm an idiot

I hate Reynolds Wrap. I hate cling wrap (let's be honest, does that stuff ever work the way it's supposed to? Sure it clings to your nails, itself, granite countertops...but it never sticks to the damn bowl you're trying to cover). Until I discovered Press 'N Seal, I classified other so-called convenience wraps the way I classify white underwear....useless. (And don't give me the argument that you need white panties to wear under white pants and shorts....you don't, you need nude colored undergarments. Trust me.). But my love affair with Press and Seal is beside the point.

I hate aluminum foil and cling wrap mostly because my toes have long suffered for the engineering mishaps of the box these stupid rolls are placed in. I'll be having a perfectly good day and go to wrap leftovers and BAM!!!!!!! Out of the box flies the entire roll, and onto my toes it lands. Do you even know how heavy those rolls are? Of course you do, because it's happened to you. It happens to us all. No matter how slowly and carefully you pull out your desired length of product (which you just know is either going to be too long or too short anyways), that stupid frappin' 17 pound cylinder of pain is going to come out and cause harm.

Apparently I'm an idiot, and I suspect most of you are as well as I've never heard any of you mention this before... Did you know there are NOTCHES on the side of every Reynold's Foil box for you to press in...they act like anchors to keep the roll where it belongs, inside the box!!!! Who the hell knew!!??

I only discovered this courtesy of my neighbor's e-mail... Observe much, Amanda? Apparently not.

Snuggie Blankets

Oh my God!!!! I used to have one of these! It was called a robe.

Don't Give Up on Love!!!

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Judgement by Shopping Cart?

So it's come to my attention that some women judge others based on what is in their shopping cart. They claim that they can tell so much about a person by what they see in the checkout line belt... Lots of frozen meals, chips and beer, must be a bachelor! Juice, white bread and peanut butter and jelly, must be a mom trying to be a good mom but really having no clue. Cheetos, orange juice, and carrots...must be going to an "All-Orange Party." All frozen things together, cans stacked, and boxes neatly packed....must be anal-retentive. All merchandise all amiss....PSYCHO!!!!

Okay, really? Is this REALLY happening? I've been known to glance in others carts, but it almost just happens subconsciously, not because I want to play Psychologist and figure out their personalities. Now I'm totally freaked about my cart. What does it say about me?

Let's see....if I'm at Pick 'N Save or Wal-Mart, Braeden is sitting in the car-attachment part of the cart holding a box of Scooby-Doo Mac and Cheese. I thought this was cute and he's sure having a blast. But no....That must mean I can't bother dealing with my child so I banish him to another part of the cart before feeding him poison, aka white pasta. The front part of my cart (under the seat) is loaded with vegetables and fruit. Well, because I hate my son (obviously) these fruits and vegetables are for me. I am selfish. Slim Fast, so I must have self-image issues. But there's Twinkies in the cart too.... Uh oh, call Dr. Phil. Fat thin fat thin fat thin. I have frozen pizzas and also Boboli breads, sauces and cheese. Wants to be Martha Stewart but settles for Rachel Ray. Interesting.

You think.... Whole wheat bread...well, at least she's doing something right. Refrigerated cookie dough. Sigh. Well, it's obviously not for her banished child, so she must be planning on binging on the entire tube. That's okay, she'll have Slim-Fast the next morning. Oatmeal...nice choice! But fruit snacks? Do you really hate the kid so much you allow him to have kiddie cocaine??? Ham. Ham, really? Hatin' her husband too if she's giving him all that sodium, hoping his BP will suck. Unless, of course, the Twinkies are for him, then she's just trying to kill him. Whole wheat waffles, English muffins and bagels. Obviously wants to try and do the right thing but does any human being need that many carbs? And skim milk. SKIM MILK!!!???? But he's just a baby! He needs whole milk until he's 1. No 3. No wait, this month the magazines say 5. And I just read in that same magazine that kids shouldn't have hot dogs until they're 12. Call child protective services. She's not fit to be a mother. Must be having and affair and is trying to do away with her family. Diet Pepsi??? Oh Lord, this is worse than we thought! She uses artificial sweeteners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, I beg of you people, you cart-looking judgers..... Back away. Slowly. Do not judge me. Have you ever been hit in the head with a can of Healthy Request Cream Soup? Yeah, that's right....I said CREAM SOUP.

Instead of scoping out my cart, get your damned checkbook ready, because I'm willing to bet you're the one who waits until the VERY end to fill it in.

Why I'm Going to Start Supporting Hunters

I'm not a big hunting supporter. I understand why they do it and all, can't have those damn deer running wild, overpopulating, etc. But I just don't get the enjoyment of it all.

Until now. I think I'm going to get my hunting license just so I can shoot that damn groundhog. 6 more weeks of winter...

Blow it's head off. Please.