Jon and Kate Plus the Hate

Am I the only person who hasn't watched this trainwreck unfold? It seems everyone I know watches this show. Because I am curious by nature, I had to tune in last night to see what the "Big Announcement" was. I was hoping it was that Kate was going to do something different with her hair. It really is quite distracting. Instead, it was the news that they are separating. Boo Effing Hoo. Big surprise.

I am sickened by these two. Although I have never seen the "happier times" that I've heard were filmed early on in the series, what I saw last night was enough to tell me that Kate is a self-absorbed shrew. She sat there and went on and on about how everything she does she does for the children and they mean so much to her. Speaking Mother to Mother, you do not parade your children in front of the world while your marriage is unfolding and claim you are doing it for the children. Divorce is a private matter and at the first sign things were unraveling, a responsible parent would have pulled out of the show. Contractual obligations broken, pay the penalties out of the fortune you've made off the show. Your family and children's well being is worth it. Give up the free trips, spa makeovers, wardrobe and lavish home.

They both claim they're pressing on with the show to provide for the kids. Are they so jaded they don't even realize that parents raise children all the time and provide with an actual JOB? That kids are perfectly happy being middle class, forgoing the stupid crooked houses and visits from American Choppers as long as they feel loved and secure?

Your job as a parent is to raise well adjusted kids who will grow on to be competent, contributing adults. Divorce is never easy, but doing it in the public eye when you're just trying to find your place in the world is potentially devastating. Why would you want to document their heartache for all to see? Are they so beyond rationality that they cannot see that? These children are going to need extra love and support, and complete and utter focus from their separating parents. NOT to have a film crew follow each tear. Does anyone really want to watch an episode where the kids place self blame and ask Kate "What did we do to make you not love each other anymore?" You're sick twisted if you do.

Shame on TLC and shame on the Gosselin parents.

These two need to take the high road and act on their words...put those kids first. Take things behind closed doors and give them a chance. Until you do so, do not expect anyone to believe your children are the most important things in the world to you.



In it for the kids or in it for bad hair?

Summer, Summer, Summertime...Time to Sit Back and Unwind

We are officially selling our house, buying something cheaper and also buying our dream cabin up in the Wisconsin Dells.

Well, not really. But in a few years, I will be happy to say goodbye to my house in favor of a more laid back lifestyle. One that can include many more weekends like this past one.

We had the pleasure of spending the weekend at my sister and brother in law's family cabin in Montello, WI. It was exactly what a good summer weekend is made of...good food, beautiful lake, pontooning, kid's laughter, sun, campfire, and beer. Too much of the latter but that will not be the topic of my first blog entry in nearly two weeks. Those who know us well know that we do not need to state the most obvious.

In fact, there isn't much to post about. We laughed a ton and everyone was so happy. It's been a while again since we've all been together (all siblings and Dad, minus the youngest sister) and it was great to catch up. Braeden had a great time with his cousins and I'm sure he'll remember the weekend for the rest of his life. In fact, we actually saw some bravery in him as after nearly a half hour of coaxing by EVERYONE, he finally got in the lake. Then we couldn't get him out! I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face as he was out there being "one of the boys." It's the stuff kids live for.

I think the weekend is best summed up by photos...
















I am looking forward to many more summertime memories!!!

The Face of Fear

Have you ever spent $40 and gotten almost nothing out of the deal? In this economy, that doesn't sit too well with me but when you're on vacation, anything goes. Money goes like a nice big bottle of water after a spinning class. You've just got to suck it up and realize that vacation's gonna cost you. A lot.

This past weekend we had the pleasure of traveling to the Wisconsin Dells with our good friends and their son. The two boys are close in age so it was a lot of fun to watch them run around, being crazy... They had a blast. Well, at least the other boy did. Ours, we realized, is a big wimp. And I mean that with all the love in the world. Maybe I shouldn't call him a wimp, that sounds so awful for a mom to say. We'll call him thrill-seeking challenged.

Because we live and traveled in Wisconsin during June, the weather was a crapshoot. We got the crap. At one point, it was 49 degrees. Nobody packed enough warm weather clothes as we were trying to be optimistic. Know what optimism gets you? Nips that could cut glass. Screw optimism.

Anyways, because Mother Nature decided to take a dump on us, we had to spend most of our vacation indoors. I guess the Dells is the place to have that happen as there is so much to do indoors, including indoor waterparks. We partook in those and it helped ease some of the vacation blues. But indoor waterparks include a lot of indoor waterslides. Have I mentioned that my son is "thrill-seeking challenged"? Waterslides are grouped into that category of fun things my child will not do.

To his credit, he did go down one of the giant waterslides with me. It took 20 minutes on the top deck to convince him to do it (thank God the lifeguard was patient and there was nobody else around wanting to go down) but he did it. He didn't really enjoy it. But he did it. Then we decided to take it easy and go on the lazy river. Joe sent both of us ass over head into the water when he tried getting on the raft with us. So set the tone for Braeden's braveness.

Saturday we went to Knuckleheads (look for the banner on the right side of blog, I'm sure), an indoor amusement park. It was great. The facility was perfect and there was so much to do. We bought Braeden the Kiddie Pass as he loves going to fairs and such with the stupid little motorcycles and trains. There were several of those types of rides so we thought we hit a gold mine. All the kid wanted to do when we got inside was ride the roller coaster. We were surprised but went with it. You have to jump on the opportunity when it presents itself.

I bet you can guess what happened. He freaked. The entire time. He screamed and cried. Joe rode with him and this is where I wonder what the hell kind of sadistic mother I am. I laughed. Not a little chuckle...I laughed my ass off. I know, it's sad. He was TERRIFIED. I should have been feeling a different emotion but it was so stinking funny. The look on his face. The look on Joe's face. I felt terrible for him but I couldn't help it.

And now I present you with the face that had me buckled over:



Come on, that's funny stuff...





I know, I'm terrible. It's my job as a Mother to make sure my child feels safe and secure. But I had to find some humor in the fact that the other little boy with us went on everything. Rides that I wouldn't think most 5 year olds would ride. He's a daredevil and therefore, his parents had a great time. After the coaster, my kid wouldn't even go on the kiddie planes that just go slowly in a circle. $40 down the drain. Forgive me if I have to find some humor in the situation... ;)

Bedtime Excuses Galore

The crib is a beautiful invention. Not only does it keep the little ones safe and sound, it also provides parents with a little extra sanity. Braeden loved his crib. He looked forward to going to bed every night, every naptime... Of course, he had his beloved nuk as well. It never came out of the crib. Call it bribery or whatever you'd like, but that kid sucked on that piece of plastic for 3-1/2 years and we never fretted about it. He would just cuddle up in his crib and drift away...never called for us, never tried climbing out of it...no acrobatics here. NIghtime was so peaceful...Joe and I could sit down with a cocktail, play a game of Yahtzee or cribbage, read a book, etc, etc, etc.

When he turned 3-1/2, we figured we'd pushed the crib envelope as far as we could. He's not a baby anymore. It was time to convert the lifetime crib into a toddler bed. Braeden was thrilled.

Thrilled because he could get out of bed by himself.

Gone were the days of him sleeping until past 8 am. Now we're graced with his presence at 6:15 am. I am not a morning person. This does not work for me. But I can deal with it as we have DVR in our room. Scooby is my hero for I can get a few minutes of extra sleep.

What I cannot deal with is the cornucopia of bedtime excuses. This has only been exacerbated by the recent transition into his double bed. This only happened because the kid is so freaking tall he was almost too long for his toddler bed.

Here is an abbreviated list of Braeden Wayne's bedtime excuses:

- "I'm thirsty"
- "I have to go poopy." Does one pellet count?
- "I can't see my tractor." Yes, because it's bedtime and the lights go out.
- "My aquarium isn't working." Because you shut it off...you know how to turn it off but always miraculously "forget" how to turn it on, even though it's the same button.
- "By the way..." Finish statement with anything under the sun
- "I forgot to feed Girlie." The cat is fat, she'll live....and you don't feed her every day anyways.
-"We forgot to read a book." No we didn't; we read 3.
-"Papa has to take a time out because he forgot to wash his hands before dinner." Um....2 months ago.
-"My owie hurts." You know, the one you got two weeks ago. It suddenly hurts again.
-"I'm thirsty." Again.
-"I don't want this digger in my bed." Walk in to see that you pulled every single digger of his dresser and now decide you don't want them all there...all 14 of them.
-"Someone's mowing." At 9 pm in the dark? No they're not, Braeden.
-"Is Alex here?" Unless they came 4 days early and took a late night car ride, NO, he is not.
-"My _______ hurts." Fill in the blank.
-"Mommy and Daddy, you're uhposed to go to sweep." We can't because you won't leave us alone.

And the best of all....Drumroll please....

- "I need my whoopie cushion." Despite the fact I haven't seen it for 4.5 months; why does one need a whoopie cushion in bed???

There you have it, the short list.

Would it be wrong to put that crib back together again???

Reminder to Self Re: The Dells

Enclosed is an e-mail I sent out last year to all my peeps regarding our second family trip to the Dells. I had to forward it to someone today and I thought it may be appropriate for my blog, seeing as we are headed there once again in a week and a half....


Things I learned in the Dells this weekend
Sunday, August 24, 2008 9:47 PM


Hello my friends,

Here are some things I learned in the Dells this weekend:

1. Never get the fish fry at Moosejaw.
2. Marley's Taste of the Caribbean, despite what they say, is not a family environment after 8:30 pm. However, if you're looking for a passed out drunk guy with groups of people taking his picture, it's your joint.
3. Give your husband plenty of time to look at the menu. This way, he won't make a rash decision and order something with lobster in it that has no price listed next to it. $40 for mac and cheese with a lobster tail thrown on top? Are you f'ing kidding me???
4. Never go miniature golfing with your child when he is purposely holding his poop.
5. 3 licks of a popsicle on the resort will set you back $3 (Yes, $3 for frozen sugar water). Because after they whine for one for a half hour, their mouths must be too tired to eat it. At this point, I could have poured tequila on it and called it a Margarita. And then, by Dells standards, it would be a cheap drink.
6. Swimming makes kids have to pee. A lot. And the Polynesian Resort is somehow clairvoyant in the fact he's just barely potty trained, so they made sure to put our room the furthest distance from the pool they could. And no, there were no public restrooms closer.
7. Go ahead, look for coupons. Look far and wide, because there are plenty to be had. But you know damn well that the place you are going to will not offer coupons. At least, until after you go there, pay full price, and then LATER look on the back of the hotel map. Well, I'll be dipped in shit, I never thought to look there for coupons to Storybook Gardens.
8. And while you're at it, pay full price for Storybook Gardens to which your child, sweet and darling as he is, doesn't give a damn about the Storybook characters. The ONLY thing he wants to do is take a family ride on the Storybook Gardens 5-minute train ride where the seats are so small your knees are shoved up your nostrils.
9. Never, ever make your husband go to the Outlet mall on your way out of town if he's tired. It's just not fun then, because then he just makes faces as he pushes your WAY TOO BIG child around in the red beetle-bug shaped car stroller that he had to ride in. For 2 seconds.

Believe it or not, we did have a great time but a weekend sure can present it's challenges!!! Keep these things in mind though...I warned you!

Amanda

Leisurely Ride

(Obviously these pictures are not from today, but you have to know what the bike looks like to get a clear picture in your mind)



After not riding my bike one single time last year (who knows why, I even have the spiffy kid trailer attachment...but we musn't forget that last year, 2008, was the year of fatness so exercise was damn near out of the question), we pulled it down from the rafters and took it for a few test drives. Of course, Braeden was more interested in riding his own bike rather than sitting in the trailer. I can't blame him for that...after all, exercise is a good thing for a preschooler with energy to burn (although I'd take the option to sit my lazy ass in a trailer any day). It was adorable the first time. Watching those short legs pedal as fast as they could go is always a treat. He was truly elated by this latest activity. He loved that Mommy had her own bike, even if it didn't have a goofy character face jutting out from the handlebars.

The novelty of the mommy-son excursions is wearing off. Have you ever tried riding your own bike next to a 3-1/2 year old on a tricycle? I didn't think it was possible, but he's even less cognizant of riding in a straight line than he is at peeing in one. "Side of the Road" in preschooler must mean zig-zag wherever the hell you feel like. And "keep pedaling honey" must translate into "stop dead in your tracks." Riding a two wheeler requires much more control than a 3 wheeled happy face bike, and that control is sorely compromised while pedaling at 1.5 miles an hour while trying to look for the bird your son sees 87 miles off in the distance. But he's having the time of his life, so that's all that counts I suppose.

However, I am willing to bet that, to anyone watching, we look like we're on our way home from the bar at 2 am.

Amanda's Truth About Motherhood Entry #3

My Kid Has NO Idea There is Such a Thing as "Kid's Music"

It's true. The sound of bubble-gummy, sweet as molasses tunes make me want to vomit. He knows of certain shows on television where music reigns supreme (Wiggles, Doodlebops...etc) but has absolutely no idea that they actually produce CDs aimed at children. I have XM Radio and only once or twice have I turned on the Disney Kids (out of guilt, of course) and guess what was on? Miley Cyrus. I can hear that on top 40 (if I really wanted to....and I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face than listen to Hannah Montana...yeah, shout out to Weird Al!!!).

It's not that I don't approve of the message or innocence. In fact, I think it's a wonderful thing. Kids are growing up way to fast these days and the longer we can keep them young, the better. However, I thrive on music. I always have. It's my way of just escaping. Rhythm runs rampant in my family (rhythm, not dancing, mind you) and music speaks to us. Listening to John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt speaks to me in ways that make me shudder.

The few times he's heard kids music (Jaime, I'm talking to you) he just blanked out. He was so far tuned out from it, more interested in reading books. I don't know if some of it is above his head, because to be honest, so much kids music isn't so much about kids but about stupid topics that I wouldn't bring up at my dinner table. That same day we had on Disney XM Kids there was a song about a man who farted all the time. I kid you not.

And what about those cheesy Kidz Bop CD commercials that are on every commercial break on Nickelodeon et al? Is it really appropriate for kids to be singing "So What" by Pink? For your reading pleasure, the lyrics of the first verse:

I guess I just lost my boyfriend
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna spend my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent

I got a brand new attitude
And I'm gonna wear it tonight
I'm gonna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight

I understand that these CDs are probably for kids older than 3-1/2 but the point still remains that they are marketed as Kids music. And stupid people buy them for their young children (no offense if that was you, it's the fault of marketing...I get that).

So what do we listen to in the car??? Whatever I feel like. Braeden likes classic rock and even some hip hop. Sure, not all of it is appropriate but I'm not some boobhead that leaves the station on when any of Flo-Rida's songs come on. Even if it goes way over his head, I doubt the artist is capable of producing any song that isn't about giving head.

Braeden loves the Rolling Stones. He loves the drum song by Kanye West. His favorite all-time song is "Only Time Will Tell" by Asia (WHO??? Yeah, I said the same thing when this all started). He's obsessed with the "horn song." There have been times when we put our foots down and refuse to play it anymore after the tenth time in a 30 minute drive.

Maybe when he gets older I'll bend a little, but for now, I'm selfish in this respect. Besides, I don't want anyone Jingleheimerschmidting around my child.

My New Favorite Quote

“Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken.” ~ Anonymous

Truer words have never been spoken.

(Thanks to one of my followers for the quote!)

Amanda's Truth About Motherhood Entry #2

My Kid was 3-1/2 Before He Gave Up the Nuk

I am a total spaz about certain things, and the nuk was one of those triggers for me. I did NOT want a child who was chained to the nuk, pacifier, binky, etc. So from the time he was 9 months old, we stopped carrying one with us in public places. He was allowed to have his nuk in the carseat, at home, and in his crib. When he learned to walk, he was limited to the car and his crib. I felt like a hardass, but it's what we felt we needed to do in order to make sure he never developed a habit outside of sleeping.

However, he could have as many as he wanted in the crib. At one time, we had 12 nuks in the corner, on a blanket, so that when one fell between the slats and onto the floor, there was always another for him to find. Gone were the mid-night wakings, wailing for his nuk, and one of us having to go and retreive it. Problem solved!

Joe and I talked for months (years) about getting rid of it. But the truth of it all was that we were in no hurry. Braeden is/has always been a fantastic sleeper. And when I say that, I mean the kid BEGGED to go to sleep. Aside from seeing his blanks (another entry, another time), he got to use his beloved nuk. 8:30 pm - 8 or 9 am, not a peep. I loved the nuk as much as he did (I reaped the benefits of his sleep too) and deep down, I dreaded the day when it would go bye-bye.

So I let him keep it. For 3-1/2 years. The kid is in preschool, for the love of God.

The nuk fairy, at Braeden's suggestion, came to visit our house last Thursday and took all the nuks from the bag we hung in the tree and took them all to babies who needed them. It was actually very cute, albeit terribly frightening for me. What would happen to his sleep? My sleep?

The event came and went without much trouble, he's adapted just fine and is still sleeping perfectly. He was more ready than I was, I guess. We have been nuk free for 5 nights now and I'm glad it's done with....

BTW, The nuk fairy left a chainsaw as a parting gift. What happened to quarters, such as those the tooth fairy used to leave????

Amanda's Truth About Motherhood Entry #1

DVR = Sleep

We DVR episodes of Scooby Doo (all incarnations...Scooby Doo - Where are You?, Pup Named Scooby Doo, What's New Scooby Doo) and Curious George for Braeden to watch in the morning if he gets up too early. I love sleeping and if that Great Dane can give me an extra 20 minutes, so be it. No, we do not have a limit of television hours in our house.

"The Truth About Motherhood"

I used to enjoy watching Oprah. After all, I am a stay at home mom, and that's what we do, right? Sit around watching Oprah and eating bon-bons. No bon-bons for me. And ever since Oprah crawled up Obama's ass and built herself a soapbox up there, I've chosen to forgo my even most random viewings.

But the previews for yesterdays episode intrigued me so I tuned in. It was all about the ugly truth of Motherhood. The completely and totally unglamorous side that no one wants to talk about for fear of being judged or ridiculed. Sounds somewhat heavy, doesn't it? Well, it wasn't. It was downright hilarious.

I cannot tell you how many times I have begun venting about my life as a mother to someone and stopped myself mid-story or even mid-sentence. I work part time in a day care at an athletic club and deal with mothers every day who seem to have it all together. Some women with 4 or more children! I have friends who have children and always seem so put together. They appear to love every minute of being a mother and make it look so easy. And I stop myself mid-sentence because that is not me.

I doubt myself daily on my abilities as a mother. I love Braeden and wouldn't trade being a mother for the world. But is it my ENTIRE life? No. Is it easy? No. Do I enjoy every minute of it? HELL NO.

(and let me interject here that even as I type this, Braeden is choosing this as the perfect opportunity to need 100% of my attention to show me that the fabric measuring tape slides under a closed door...never a moment's peace)

I really thought that I was of some freakish rare breed, a breed of women that lacks that certain maternal mindset to morph into SuperMom. Apparently I'm not alone. Hallelujah!!! Turns out that there are scores of women out there who do what they can just to get by, just to make it through the day. The smiles on their faces are not because they love their job, but often times a front. Doesn't mean that we would rather not have children. It's just that there is so much "mom" talk out there, and with the media and internet at our fingertips, it's so much easier to stack ourselves up against others. And with all that comparison, it's simple to feel like we're failing.

I am thrilled beyond reason that I DVR'd the show as it put things into major perspective for me. I am REAL. I've always claimed to be a real mom, not some facade of what a mom should be. My kid has cried it out. He had mashed potatoes at 4 months old, before he'd even eaten Gerber vegetable purees. Sometimes he watches hours of television a day just so I can do laundry, make dinner, or heaven forbid....RELAX!!! Scooby is our best friend, our loyal (free) babysitter.... He eats chocolate. He's worn the same shirt 3 days in a row because it had Scooby on it and he wanted to wear it, despite the tomato sauce stains...

There is so much that others just didn't tell us before we became moms. A little heads-up would have been nice!!!! I love this topic so much that I think I'm going to try and do a series of blog entries about being a real mother. The ugly truth of things that every other "real" mom can identify with. Things you can stand up for and shout "I've DONE that!!!!!" (a woman spotlighted on Oprah's show started this whole real mom blog thing...great idea!) If anything, it may be therapeutic to me and others to know that we're all in the same boat. We're not perfect and we shouldn't need to feel the pressure to be. Years ago, it wasn't like this (or so I've been told). They did the best they could. Motherhood is a real bitch at times, and I love that the dialogue has begun. Time to get real, ladies!!!!

Fancy Hair

My neighbor Julie was kind enough to highlight my hair this afternoon. It's only been over 6 months since I had any sort of color done. It's easy to get away with that in the winter as nobody gives a crap what you look like as they're all too grumpy about the weather to care. But in Spring, you gotta be fresh.... (okay, it's not exactly spring yet, but Vince Condella said meteorologically, it is...)

I've always gone to the salon to get it done with my girl Megan and since I've found her, nobody else is allowed to touch my hair (see previous post regarding haircuts). However, tough economy calls for tough measures, and the $70 or so it would cost for highlights just isn't in the budget. Thank God for beautician friends!!!

Anyhoo, I never brought Braeden with me to the salon when I get highlights as it just takes too long. He's seen me have hair ripped from my face by way of hot wax, but never with a head covered in foil. Part of the greatness of the neighbor situation is that I can get the process done at home...how cool is that?

As you can imagine, his reaction when she started wrapping my hair in foils was pretty gosh darn funny. It was like his little mind was working on this, wondering why something that is usually used for food is being put in my hair. We explained, many times, that I was getting my hair lightened. He knows the difference between light and dark, so this seemed a logical explanation, and he actually accepted it.

When I took him up to bed for a nap, head wrapped in foil, he said "when I get up, then I'll see your fancy hair." Fancy hair???? What does this mean? Does this mean that Mommy needs to take more pride in herself, as her normal hair is not "fancy"? Does it mean that any time I put even 5 minutes worth of time into my hair that I'm going above an beyond? That I normally look dreadful and a new hair color would make me, once again, presentable?

Or does it just mean that he loves me and knows how excited I am to be having this done?

I hope it's the latter. Unless, of course, he didn't understand the concept of lighter hair and just thinks from now on I'll have foil in my hair. Foil = Shiny. Shiny=Fancy?????

Boys Will Be Boys

Boys love farts. It's just a fact. They sound funny, smell gross and elicit interesting reactions from others in the vicinity. I sometimes wonder if there isn't some secret, extra chromosome that boys have predisposing them to becoming fartoholics.

Braeden probably couldn't sing all the words to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", even though we sang it every night for his first 3 years of life. But he sure knows the ever-popular twist (written by my husband) on said song, entitled "Stinky Stinky Stinky Farts."

I don't think Joe farts more than the average man (and won't he love me for blogging about this) but Braeden thinks it's hilarious. In fact, everyone in Mukwonago and surrounding areas has now heard Braeden announce, as though he were calling everyone to dinner, that his "daddy is so funny. My daddy farts ALL THE TIME!" Spasms of laughter always follow. The post office. The waitresses. The check out ladies. The ladies at the gym. My manager. Our family. The bank tellers. The barber (he even smiled, which is really quite a feat for the rather stern looking gentleman). Everyone. What a kid.

Maybe it's not that the farts that make him laugh...it could be that Joe always announces "Does anyone hear a duck?" and then lets one rip. He'd kill them on Comedy Central, right?

Now I, the Mother figure, am working on getting Braeden to say "excuse me" after he farts. Manners are a tricky thing with preschoolers. About 1 in 10 times he'll remember to excuse himself. As of recently, the 9 remaining times I hear "does anyone hear a duck?"

Boys.

The Great Hamburger Helper Debate

I post somewhat regularly (not a lot but I read it every day) on a message board filled with women who have children born in September of 2005. It's been a great resource for me since a lot of the women have older children and have already gone through all this craziness.

Currently there is a great debate going on over Hamburger Helper. Cripes, I can't even call it a debate as there is no debate taking place.... Someone asked our opinion of it and every single post, except for mine, has been scathing of the product.

Let me put this out there... We eat it. Not a lot, but we eat it. And you know what? We enjoy it. Yes, we are WELL aware of the fact that it is not healthy. There are many other choices we could make but sometimes I just want me some Strohganoff Hamburger Helper.

I ate so much HH when I was pregnant that we were afraid Braeden would be Lasagna flavored. 10 for $10 at Pick 'N Save was like winning the lottery for me. It was easy and I didn't feel like doing a whole lot, so it fit the bill.

Our house is filled with very healthy choices. I am very proud of the fact that we're raising Braeden to know the goodness of whole wheat bread, fruits and vegetables, olive oil, etc. He is a STELLAR eater. I cook with a ton of fresh ingredients and belong to many healthy eating websites where I get fantastic recipes.

Braeden is not allowed to snack on Hostess and he doesn't want to. He doesn't drink soda because he doesn't want to...he'll chose water. He told me he didn't like his sandwich one day at lunch because the bread was weird...we had a loaf of white bread left over from some visiting friends ~ He's used to whole wheat. One of his favorite snacks is carrots and RF italian dressing. Last night he forwent an Oreo (from his Dad) in favor of an apple. Did I mention he's 3????

Our diet is awesome 90% of the time. So if the other 10% is filled with things like special trips to McDonald's, pizza, or God forbid...Hamburger Helper, I'm okay with that. I'll sleep just fine at night. I'm not poisoning him. It doesn't make me less of a Mother.

I'm curious...is this an instance where the only people who post are ones who have something negative to say? They say that about reviews. Are all the HH eaters hiding for fear of being slapped with a stupid stick? Or are the Janiks some freakish rarity that enjoy box dinners from time to time? Do YOU eat it? Or do you think I should be commmitted?

Now, I have to go clean up from Braeden's lunch of a peach, broccoli and veggie pasta with tomoato sauce. Ssssshhhhhh....don't tell anyone but it was white pasta.

When I Actually WANTED him to be Interested in the Box...

I think it's a universal thing that toddlers enjoy playing with the boxes more than the actual toy itself that came in the box. Frustrating, but that's life. I think by 3 that they outgrow that. Or should...

Not mine. He loves boxes. Braeden doesn't care about toys. He has tons of them and there they all sit, in his playroom, begging to be picked up, tossed about, thrown, etc... I think Braeden figures he doesn't need toys when he has his parents. After all, he can jump and climb on us, make us laugh, chase us, follow us around, yell for us when we're on the phone, whine to us...and we still love him. Who needs toys?

So we got the new lamp we've been waiting for today. I ordered it two weeks ago from a fantastically cheap website. We already have the same lamp and it's floor counterpart, but our great room is still incredibly dim. It's two stories tall, after all.... It came in a huge box, just PERFECT for a kid with a good imagination.

If you find that kid, send him my way.

I gave Braeden crayons and tried helping his color his box. Maybe it could be a fort? Or a racecar like I made when I was a kid? Or construction equipment? A house? A bus? He didn't want to color it. He wanted to cut it. As you can imagine, safety scissors won't cut cardboard so I did it for him with a boxcutter. He wanted a window on top (while the box was on it's side) so he could pop out the top of it. Okay, sounds like fun!! A sunroof!

I do as told and then he begins climbing in. I hear "Eww!!! A 'trings' in there!" Translation, "Eww!!! I'm totally freakishly "particular" like my dad and there's a STRING in there!!!!" I look inside...it's glue they used to help keep the box shut. It's at the far end of the box. It's not hanging inside the box like the guts of a pumpkin. It's stuck to the bottom of the box and it's not coming off. It's only a few swirls.

He asks me but I explain that I am much too big to climb in the box and scrape the glue off. He attempts to climb in again with blanks (blanket) to "swat" the glue away. No go. He takes my Swiffer Duster from the cabinet and swiffers the glue and is upset that didn't work. He asks me to cut that wall off to rid the box of the deadly and vengeful glue. I explain I cannot as the box will then collapse. He wants to send Girlie in the box to lick the glue off. You have to know my answer to that. So the solution to all of this was easy...

Braeden is now watching Scooby Doo and the super cool box is going in the garage to be torn up and recycled.

The Family Size that Satisfies.....What family!?

Pick 'N Save really irks me. I don't know who their buyers are, but they NEVER have the Oncor Salisbury Steaks that my husband and son so adore. I know, the thought makes me shudder too...pressed "meat" patties swimming in gravy that, if left out for an hour or two, completely congeals into brown sludge. Sounds tasty, doesn't it? Yeah, not to me either...

But the boys love them. Braeden, when left to his own devices, will devour three patties himself. He's three. Therefore, he now thinks the company downsized packaging (much like those cunning girl scouts) and only 4 come in a box. I've got many tricks up my sleeve.

I had a coupon and Oncor meals were on sale, so I thought I'd treat my favorite men. The thing was only going to cost me $1.49. Can't beat that!!! But, alas, the buyers at Pick 'N Save failed me again and there wasn't a pressed, grill-marked patty in sight. I wanted to use the coupon so I got the Mostaccioli with meatballs. The back of the box touts that it's so good you'll claim the authentic recipe as your own.

To that, I say....WTF????? Did you just meet your first stove and pan yesterday?

Isn't their whole ad campaign the "family size that satisfies"??? Who, exactly, is satisfied by 20 tubes of pasta and some runny sauce? I am not kidding...that was my portion. 20 goddamn tubes of overdone pasta swimming in red sauce. I'm not a meatball fan so I opted out of those. But Joe had the same amount of pasta as I did (20 tubes...not kidding here) and the meatballs. Braeden had 2 meatballs and 8 tubes, all of which he decided he didn't want to eat. And that was the entire container. Back of the box says it serves 5. 5 what? 5 midgets??? Do they realize at corporate that the portion size for each of 5 people would be roughly 9 tubes of pasta and 1-1/2 meatballs???

(Okay, fancypants...I know what you're thinking...."That's not Nutrisystem!!!" True-up my friend. But caloricly, there were actually fewer calories in my dinner than had I gone the NS route.)

I know we're hair deep in this recession here but they cannot possibly sleep at night advertising that "now more than ever" Oncor is your cheap, filling dinner solution.

But........... it did only cost $1.49, so I guess, what should I have expected for $.50 a serving????

Judgement by Shopping Cart?

So it's come to my attention that some women judge others based on what is in their shopping cart. They claim that they can tell so much about a person by what they see in the checkout line belt... Lots of frozen meals, chips and beer, must be a bachelor! Juice, white bread and peanut butter and jelly, must be a mom trying to be a good mom but really having no clue. Cheetos, orange juice, and carrots...must be going to an "All-Orange Party." All frozen things together, cans stacked, and boxes neatly packed....must be anal-retentive. All merchandise all amiss....PSYCHO!!!!

Okay, really? Is this REALLY happening? I've been known to glance in others carts, but it almost just happens subconsciously, not because I want to play Psychologist and figure out their personalities. Now I'm totally freaked about my cart. What does it say about me?

Let's see....if I'm at Pick 'N Save or Wal-Mart, Braeden is sitting in the car-attachment part of the cart holding a box of Scooby-Doo Mac and Cheese. I thought this was cute and he's sure having a blast. But no....That must mean I can't bother dealing with my child so I banish him to another part of the cart before feeding him poison, aka white pasta. The front part of my cart (under the seat) is loaded with vegetables and fruit. Well, because I hate my son (obviously) these fruits and vegetables are for me. I am selfish. Slim Fast, so I must have self-image issues. But there's Twinkies in the cart too.... Uh oh, call Dr. Phil. Fat thin fat thin fat thin. I have frozen pizzas and also Boboli breads, sauces and cheese. Wants to be Martha Stewart but settles for Rachel Ray. Interesting.

You think.... Whole wheat bread...well, at least she's doing something right. Refrigerated cookie dough. Sigh. Well, it's obviously not for her banished child, so she must be planning on binging on the entire tube. That's okay, she'll have Slim-Fast the next morning. Oatmeal...nice choice! But fruit snacks? Do you really hate the kid so much you allow him to have kiddie cocaine??? Ham. Ham, really? Hatin' her husband too if she's giving him all that sodium, hoping his BP will suck. Unless, of course, the Twinkies are for him, then she's just trying to kill him. Whole wheat waffles, English muffins and bagels. Obviously wants to try and do the right thing but does any human being need that many carbs? And skim milk. SKIM MILK!!!???? But he's just a baby! He needs whole milk until he's 1. No 3. No wait, this month the magazines say 5. And I just read in that same magazine that kids shouldn't have hot dogs until they're 12. Call child protective services. She's not fit to be a mother. Must be having and affair and is trying to do away with her family. Diet Pepsi??? Oh Lord, this is worse than we thought! She uses artificial sweeteners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, I beg of you people, you cart-looking judgers..... Back away. Slowly. Do not judge me. Have you ever been hit in the head with a can of Healthy Request Cream Soup? Yeah, that's right....I said CREAM SOUP.

Instead of scoping out my cart, get your damned checkbook ready, because I'm willing to bet you're the one who waits until the VERY end to fill it in.

GET OVER IT!

So it was announced (or at least I read about it) today that in order to combat the rising costs of goods, Girl Scout cookies will now come to us in smaller quantities. Just when we all came to terms with the fact we're paying $3.50 for 6 cookies, now we'll only get 4. At least, that's what it seems like...

My initial reaction was much like my reaction every time I go to the grocery store... "you have to be fucking kidding me." It's the same reaction I uttered the first time I opened a can of green beans and poured out a cup of water to be left with an ounce of grayish green deliciousness. Or when we opened a bag of Ruffles to discover instead of being half filled, it was only 1/3 filled. Screw you all. But it's how companies are winning the recession game - charge the same but give less product, under the thinly veiled illusion of status quo.

So now the Girl Scouts, with their knee-high socks and stupid sashes, are in on the game. It's not that I don't support the GS, I am a former member and think it's a great organization. I believe in the cause, and therefore I will buy the damn cookies.

What I find most hilarious about this whole thing is the replies that news sites are getting from readers. Sure, there are a few complaining that we're getting less for our money these days, and the effing cookies are already overpriced as is. But there are actually people out there using this as a platform for preaching healthier eating. They're chanting "Use this Opportunity to Treat Your Body like the Temple It Is!" A woman claims she can no longer eat packaged cookies because now that she eats only whole foods, her body cannot handle the processed pucks or any thing else the rest of us call "tasty". Someone else bitched that the Girl Scouts are actually part of a grand conspiracy to kill us gluttons with their hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup. Yes, that is their part of their new mission statement. Apparently, you missed the memo on that....

Give me a damn break. I eat healthy 90% of the time. I only have whole grain bread in the house, we eat whole wheat pasta from time to time, and we're big in vegetables and fruits. I do cringe when my husband eats a Twinkie because it just can't be good for you. But I'm not a nazi for pete's sake. Don't make the rest of us feel like freaks with nipples on our cheeks because we eat a cookie every once in a while. A little treat never killed anyone. Would you rather the Girl Scouts go door to door selling hummus? Yeah, remind me not to go to any of your parties, you wild child!!!

Get over it.

Life's BIG Pleasures

Today I played in the snow with Braeden, and it's just one of those things that warms your heart and makes you love life. I got him completely bundled up (winds howling at 25 miles an hour...come on already!) and then he had to pee, of course....but then we re-bundled and shoveled together, made snow angels, and played King of the Hill preschool style on the snowbanks from Mr. Mike's plow (snow blower still isn't working). He had his little Diego sunglasses on the a scarf wrapped around his face, so all you saw was this little pink nose and cheeks and it was so unbelievably adorable.

I hate being cold, hate the snow, and hate all things winter in Wisconsin, but I have to say that this morning was wonderful.

Does the Library Know It's Soon to be Christmas?

Today was our first storytime for preschoolers at the community library. Braeden was actually very well behaved compared to when we tried to do lapsit storytime when he was younger. That was a disaster. While his butt never stops moving, he did enjoy the stories read about cookies.

Afterward, we went by the books themselves and tried picking out Christmas books for check out. Do you think they pulled any holiday books at all to put in the usual "spotlight" section of the library? Thanksgiving had a Thanksgiving display. Halloweentime had Halloween books for your browsing. What do they have in December for Christmas? Eric Carle. You know (if you have kids)...that guy who writes those obnoxious books with creepy Picasso-style illustrations. Books about Birthday surprises for boys that look like they were inbred. Books that are filled with nothing but statements such as "Can you do it? I can do it!" Strange blue apes and purple tigers. If this were the 60's, I'd suggest it was LSD inspired. This is what the spotlight is this month.

I did not realize that Eric Carle was bigger than Jesus. Santa apparently has nothing on him. Books about reindeer??? Check the on-line catalog and go find them yourself (and then find out that they're not there).

It's not that I mind not having books at my fingertip to choose from easily. But for a preschooler, it sure is nice when we can go to one section and have him select several books himself. Gives him a sense of empowerment, instead of me searching for them for him. I'm all about teaching him independence, and these are the little things that help me out.

You can be sure there will be no Eric Carle in our stockings this year.