There's a Sucker Born Every Minute

And unfortunately, I am now one of them...

I pride myself on being a cynic. This way, I avoid falling victim to scam and thus ridicule. Trust me, my friends and family can be brutal. I approach things in a very logical way, for the most part, and research and analyze until it drives even the most patient saint nuts. This is not to say I am not spontaneous, because I am very much so, just not where my money is concerned. Often times it can be pretty damn difficult to pry a buck out of my hands. The other day I made a comment about money and Braeden responded "Mr. Krabs likes money." Smart boy, as green is one of his favorite things. This is a bit unnerving to realize how much I have in common with a talking crab with whale for a daughter.

At any rate, here's the point to my story...



I love that stupid lift in the crown of women's hair. I've been a fan for a long time and it's funny that it only recently has become a nationwide obsession. Nobody has flat hair, they all have that pouf in the back. I have a LOT of hair so up until now, I've been pretty lucky with being able to just give it a little tease should the mood strike me and on my way I go. I've also pulled up the sides (now that it's long enough again) and used them as anchors to pull the middle hair up. Works pretty well if I do say so myself. However, I always felt there just had to be another way... And to think some people spend their days worrying about finding a job. How shallow I've become.




Well I'd be a bird with no leg (thank you, Wes) if I didn't recently see a commercial for Bumpits, plastic inserts concealed in the crown of your hair to give you that most desirable look. Of course, why didn't I think of that! I'd be a millionaire! Of course, I never patented my stupid idea way back when to cut off the feet of my nylons either, and look where that's gotten me. (Reality check Amanda...I don't think it counts as an idea when you think of it while you're wasted at sorority formal and are sick of just getting holes in the bottoms of your nyloned foot...hardly the purpose of Spanks).



Back on point...as with everything that costs me money, I researched. Google is my best friend. I read all the reviews and was quite saddened to see that most people were very let down by said plastic. I read that you can see the combs, they don't stay in place, the arch is visible, there is a bad "dropoff"....etc, etc, etc. So I shelved the idea, both because of the reviews and because I make it a practice to never order anything from TV. My Father in Law only reinforced that with his recent purchase of the GT Xpress.

Yesterday it resurfaced. While lying sick in bed with some ridiculous virus that took both my voice and my breath, a bumpits commercial came on. Again, my hopes soared. Until I saw the price, plus shipping and handling. Crazy, I say....crazy!!! Yet once again I found myself on the net researching them...perhaps in the last month or two they've changed the product, or someone's uncovered a secret to using them????

And then I saw it...someone posted they got them at Sally Beauty Supply (cue ad on right). At 9 am this morning I was calling my local store and by 11 am, I was in the door picking up the last blonde one they had in stock. The checker explained I can return them if they don't work out, which was music to my ears, because even those the $9.49 price tag is over half what they wanted on tv, $10 is still $10 and I don't want to spend $10 on crap. I save that money for a pack of smokes when I hit the bar. See the logic????

When we got home, I set Braeden up with some colored pencils and Spongebob and eagerly went to work. I could feel my heart racing in anticipation. I read the directions. Followed them precisely. Here's what I am hoping to acheive. My hair is a bit longer now but this is just cool:



Take 1: OOOHHHH!!!! Look at that height!!!! But shit, you can see the teeth on the combs. Easily.

Take 2. Tease more. Insert. You can see the insert. It's shiny.

Take 3: Tease more. Hairspray more. I guess this is like primer? Insert. Comb teeth. Why does my hair feel thin? I have enough freaking hair to cover this gadget.

Take 4: Flip upside down and tease and spray. Obviously this volumizing device needs volume to work. I look like Bride of Frankenstein. You can see the combs.

Take 5: Pull more hair forward so I have more hair to cover the crescent. Tease. Insert device. It now sits too far back on my head and looks like I have a strange tumor. And you can still see the combs.

Take 6: Flip upside down and tease furiously again. Blood rushes to my face. Flip up and ugly blue vein is protruding from my forehead. Insert and tossle hair with fingers while spraying hairspray. Separate hairspray-doused strands of hair with comb. Bump stupid Bumpit with comb and knock it out of place. I now have lift on the right side of my head. You can see the combs.

Take 7 - 10: Guess.

Take 11: Take stretchy headband and insert in hair, fluffing back of head with fingers, no device. Nice volume in back, decent lift in the crown.

Fuckers.

Guess I'll be going back to Sally soon to return these "As seen on TV" pieces of plastic. What a fool I am.... :(

"That Bird Has No Leg"

"That Bird Has No Leg"
And this shall furthermore be known as the primo diss.

On "The Bachelorette" we've been subjected to Wes' ride from super hottie to super scumbag. Unfortunately for Jillian, our fine Bachelorette, she was oblivious to his increasingly turd-like ways. And I shouldn't even use the word "unfortunately" because progressive episodes showed her being clued into the fact (clued in = being told point blank by several bachelors) that Wes has a girlfriend at home and that he's just on the show for publicity for his new record. She chose to ignore them and gave him a rose anyways because he's A) Hot and B) They have chemistry. I'm sure he's mastered the chemistry part already with that lady at home...

I'm finally catching up on the season and on the episode I watched last night, she gave him the long-awaited boot to the ass. This was after she noticed his emotional and physical distance. I've got news for Jillian... the beginning of the relationship is the good part. Not that things go downhill, but if you're meant to be with someone, there will never be those awkward silent moments. You should be jumping each other like dogs. I'm just sayin'....

Wes is now claiming he was the victim of bad editing. Let's look at this...I mean really look at it. Producers and editors, as evil as they may be in order to make a buck cannot make things come out of your mouth such as:

(Paraphrasing, but you'll get the drift)

"I'm the one going and I'll be home having lots of sex." (to one of the other contenders, mind you)

"I already got what I came here for...I've been on the show for 6 episodes and got all the publicity I needed for my upcoming album."

"I'm just here to promote my new album." (we saw your band on the show dude....seriously, I wouldn't quit your day job any time soon)

"I'm the first dude who's made it all the way to the final four with a girlfriend."

"My acting days are over."

Really, who does this guy think he is??? These words could not be taken out of context. You are not being portrayed as an asshole. You are an asshole. Good luck with that record dude. You just pissed off half the female population. Exactly HOW did you think behaving like this would get you further in your career???

But my favorite quote had to come from their awkward, distant date. Jillian asks Wes if he'd consider moving if she picked him in the end. After he responds that most important is "numero uno" (not shitting you), he spills his beer and points and observes "That bird has no leg".

Exactly the words every woman waits to hear.

(and for the record, I am in love with Reid. Not a little, but a lot. Unfortunately, he has that whole neurotic thing going on. It may be cute now but trust me, neurotic tendencies can get really trying really fast.... I love Kiptyn too but his mom scares the bejeezes out of me)

Jon and Kate Plus the Hate

Am I the only person who hasn't watched this trainwreck unfold? It seems everyone I know watches this show. Because I am curious by nature, I had to tune in last night to see what the "Big Announcement" was. I was hoping it was that Kate was going to do something different with her hair. It really is quite distracting. Instead, it was the news that they are separating. Boo Effing Hoo. Big surprise.

I am sickened by these two. Although I have never seen the "happier times" that I've heard were filmed early on in the series, what I saw last night was enough to tell me that Kate is a self-absorbed shrew. She sat there and went on and on about how everything she does she does for the children and they mean so much to her. Speaking Mother to Mother, you do not parade your children in front of the world while your marriage is unfolding and claim you are doing it for the children. Divorce is a private matter and at the first sign things were unraveling, a responsible parent would have pulled out of the show. Contractual obligations broken, pay the penalties out of the fortune you've made off the show. Your family and children's well being is worth it. Give up the free trips, spa makeovers, wardrobe and lavish home.

They both claim they're pressing on with the show to provide for the kids. Are they so jaded they don't even realize that parents raise children all the time and provide with an actual JOB? That kids are perfectly happy being middle class, forgoing the stupid crooked houses and visits from American Choppers as long as they feel loved and secure?

Your job as a parent is to raise well adjusted kids who will grow on to be competent, contributing adults. Divorce is never easy, but doing it in the public eye when you're just trying to find your place in the world is potentially devastating. Why would you want to document their heartache for all to see? Are they so beyond rationality that they cannot see that? These children are going to need extra love and support, and complete and utter focus from their separating parents. NOT to have a film crew follow each tear. Does anyone really want to watch an episode where the kids place self blame and ask Kate "What did we do to make you not love each other anymore?" You're sick twisted if you do.

Shame on TLC and shame on the Gosselin parents.

These two need to take the high road and act on their words...put those kids first. Take things behind closed doors and give them a chance. Until you do so, do not expect anyone to believe your children are the most important things in the world to you.



In it for the kids or in it for bad hair?

Denial Ain't Just a River in Egypt

First off, I have strong admiration for Elizabeth Edwards, wife of the only booger with a $400 haircut, John Edwards (you remember him, the one who has had "conversations" with unborn children and is hugely to blame for malpractice suits run amok in this country...oh, and he tried to be VP and later President too). It takes an incredibly strong woman to battle cancer, and when given a terminal diagnosis, hold her head high.

And it takes an incredible dipshit to then cheat on his dying wife and possibly father a child from said affair.

But who am I to judge? I don't know them. I don't know what their marriage was like. I don't want to know. I don't care.

Today, Elizabeth Edwards appeared on Oprah in her first interview since the affair and paternity questions because headlining news some time ago. I'll spare you most of the details and give you the short list:

She was mad at him for having an affair (good start)

She says loving him is complicated but worth it (really?)

She doesn't know if he's the father of the "other woman's" baby and doesn't want to know (huh? If I knew my husband's been checking other women's oil with his dipstick I'd sure as hell want to know if they had a love child)

If it turned out that the child was John's it wouldn't change her life in the least.

This last point is why I'm blogging. It wouldn't change your life in the least???? Really? How is that even possible? I am willing to bet that if "the other woman" (let's call her Lola) goes public with paternity results, that would affect your life. If Lola came knocking on your door with a lawyer asking for $25,000 a month in child support that would affect your life. If your children are harassed at school for having a fungus for a father who gave them a half-brother or sister, that would affect your life. If your husband suddenly, say, got hit by a Mac 10 truck going 90 miles an hour and the courts then legally had to split your massive fortune (accumulated through frivolous malpractice suits) between 4 kids instead of just the 3 you birthed, it would affect your life.

Hold your head high and don't let this beat you. But don't be in denial.

Runner up for jaw-dropping comments... Elizabeth says that if you take this one bad thing John did out of the equation, John was a perfect husband. HUH!? I'm not Dr. Phil, but someone's gotta have questionable morals and values to cheat on his dying wife. Perfect husband and this was the one BAD thing he ever did??? As if this ONE thing isn't bad enough, you mean to tell me he deserves a badge of honor for being a perfect husband?

Final thought...

With as much money as that woman has, THIS is the best style money could buy??? Oprah, hire a new stylist. But I've gotta admit, it's nice to see that money can't buy you out of saggy facial skin and dark circles.

Could the Next American Idol Be Gay?

On this "controversial" question being posed right now all over the internet, I have two things to say:

1) Is there anyone out there who actually believes Adam ISN'T gay?
2) Who EFFING cares if he is???

Not to judge a book by it's cover, but look at him. All you have to do is watch the personal segments on him before he sings and he's all but telling everyone he's gay. I cannot believe there is even a glimmer of doubt on this topic.

There are pictures circling like wildfire on the internet of Adam kissing another man. Sigh. Is this what we do with our time now? Judge a person's talent on his sexual preference? I don't mean to get all lib on everyone (and anyone who knows me knows that a liberal I am NOT) but get the hell over it. If you've got talent, that is what you should be judged on. Not whether you prefer a dessert of Twinkies or donut holes.

I will stand up on my very chair and declare myself a HUGE Adam Lambert fan. Every week I look forward to seeing what he's going to do, and only one time did I feel some let down, but not in a "you're not my favorite anymore" kind of way. More so in a "I can appreciate your talent but that was a little weird" kind of way. If you watch the show, I'm sure you know of which week I speak. He is incredibly original and immensely talented. He's entertaining as hell to watch and his voice blows everyone else out of the water. Isn't that why we watch these performers? To be entertained?

I give the highest props to the guy...he's the well-deserved front runner. I only hope that homophobes out there can give credit where credit is due and not try and sabotage this contest for him. You know....by posting stupid pictures intended to ruffle people's feathers. And make up your hypocritical minds... Some of the same sources who celebrated Ellen's wedding to Portia are painting Adam into a very strange and probably uncomfortable, judgmental corner. Apparently it's okay to be America's Lesbian Sweetheart but not America's Homosexual Idol. What, exactly, is the difference? They're both entertainers and hella-good at what they do, what they were apparently put on this very Earth to do. Is it my business, or anyone else's, what they do in their private time? Methinks not.

(oh, and for the record, loving Danny Gokey too. That whole Milwaukee pride thing, you know how it goes!)

My Final Word on the Bachelor

So a TVGuide.com poll resulted in 60% of respondents answering "Jason Mesnick is a bastard." The poll choice simply echoed his final choice Melissa's very own words, but still...that's a little harsh, no?

I don't agree with him dumping her on national television. That was simply despicable. Whether or not she knew it was coming, I find it inexcusable. For all the talk about how these are real people and real lives at stake, Jason sure didn't take this into consideration. He says he had to follow his heart and that's fine...I agree with that. Don't lead her on, be a man and end it. But dude, could you do it in the privacy of your own home instead of in front of millions of onlookers? That's not following your heart - that's just being an ass. Jason was the most beloved Bachelor, perhaps in the history of the show, and for most people, he managed to tarnish that image in 5 minutes. That's pretty amazing.

So Molly and he are still together and are happy...blah blah blah. Whatever is in their future, I'm glad I won't have to watch anymore.

I would NEVER play second fiddle to another woman!!!! You hear that, MOLLY!!!???

(Kind of immature but so well deserved)


Last night was the finale of Jason Mesnick's season of "The Bachelor" as well as the first of a 2 part "After the Final Rose" event. A few posts ago, I blogged about a fart named Reality Steve who spilled the beans on the show's "most dramatic" conclusion ever. I didn't really WANT to look but I hate surprises and needed to. Kind of like I NEED a necklace and handbag to go with every outfit....

I never really doubted him as he, in his own ill-performed way, seemed confident in his story. I guess he's well reputed in the reality tv world (who knew there could be such a person?) so it stands to reason, I suppose, that he wouldn't put his rep on the line and give away an ending he wasn't 100% sure of. If only we all had that kind of time to devote to a dying television art form. Oh crap, and here I'm blogging about it...

Anyways, as told, Jason walked Molly hand-in-hand toward the curb and then kicked her to it. He then lost control of himself in a fit of tears and emotion. Kind of weird, really, considering he just broke up with her because he's "completely in love with another woman" (or some other dribble like that). If I was the chosen one, I'd be like "Listen up, mother f$#%@&.... Why the hell do you care so much about letting go of her if you love me?" Nothing like making you second guess where your man's heart is to have him breakdown about not being able to make out with 2 babes anymore.

So he proposes to Melissa and she squeals like a Pomeranian, they jump in the pool with Ty, his son (well, how did YOU celebrate your engagement? With a glass of wine? How boring!) and talk about how much in love they are and how great the future is going to be.



For 6 weeks.

Then fade to "After the Final Rose" and Chris Harrison announcing what we've had shoved down our throats for the past 3 weeks... What we are about to see is potentially so shocking that they filmed on a closed set. Jason walks out, looking forlorn and beaten, and tells us the shocking news...

He doesn't love Melissa anymore. He's going to break up with her.

Now, had I not known this previously, I still would have laughed my ass off (burned a few extra calories I suppose). Who really expects these Bachelor relationships to work out? There's Trista and Ryan, of course, but they're one of like 13 seasons. That's a 7.7% success rate. Even for weathermen, that's not good...

So what's the logical thing to do? According to Jason, it's to break up with Melissa ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. WTF!? First off, WHO actually thought this was a good idea? The producers? If so, that further perpetuates the feeling Joe has that all television producers should rot in hell. Did Jason think this was a good idea? Who knows, but odds are that the contract he signed was so iron-clad and he had to do everything the hellbound producers wanted, short of sacrificing Ty to the Reality Gods.

So after he breaks it to Melissa (no pun intended) that they are over, she calls him a "bastard" and tells him "not to call or text me anymore." He tells her that he can't stop thinking about his second choice, Molly. Uh oh. I give her credit...if this was real, I don't know how she didn't pummel his ass into tomorrow. I would have. On national tv!? Really, Jason!

After she leaves the set, they bring out Molly and Chris does everything but stamp it on her damn (unusually large and shiny) forehead that Jason is going to ask for a second chance. After claiming that she was in mourning for some time but is now okay, she says she's actually dreamt that would happen and that she does actually still love him. He comes out, all slithery, and in what could be the most akward moment in RT history, says something to the effect of "I was wondering, like, if we could give it another shot."

I think my first boyfriend said that to me. We were 10.

After watching this last night, I really think the sidebar prediction Reality Steve had about this entire season being scripted may be spot on. He claims that right off the bat, Jason knew it was going to be Molly, but he had to play along with the producers' game because of the Bachelor contract. If so, Melissa was a pawn in this unfortunate series of events. Listening to the dialogue, reading the body language (knew those college courses would pay off one day!), the bad acting, all of it together spelled SCRIPTED. Damn them all for thinking we're all idiots. All 42 million of us idiots that probably tuned in last night.

But here's what stumps me most about this whole thing... Molly's reaction. She sat, looking stumped, but the more he yammered on about how he made a mistake, the more she ate it up. By the end, I swear I that I thought she was going to propose to HIM. What kind of self-appreciating woman would be OK with this? He chose another woman, claimed he was head over heels in love with her, brought her into his young son's life and spent 6 (count 'em, SIX) weeks with her before deciding, nope, this ain't happening. It isn't working out with number 1, so I'm going to give number 2 a shot.

What woman says, Hell Yeah! Let's do this! Does she realize that she's his LEFTOVERS? There isn't a girl on Earth who is okay with that, unless, she's like imbalanced or something. And her stupid grin last night may have indicted that is the case.

Tonight is Part 2 and they promise there's one more surprise in store. What? He gave Molly 3 weeks and decided that after all this, he still loves Deanna? And who could actually believe her nerve showing up last night telling him SHE wanted a second chance? What's the name of this show again? "What's for Dinner Tonight? Last Night's Meatloaf!"????

Run away Jillian...fast as you can!!!!

Anxiously awaiting tonight's pure absurdity...

Hate to See What Would Happen if He Died

The Biggest Loser is truly the only show that inspires me. Every season (for which there is no break between, I don't think) I am incredibly motivated and excited to start/keep up my fitness routine. The contestants are such inspirations!!!

But I have to admit (a teeny tiny bit) that I love Bob Harper. He is kind, generous, caring, supportive, and perhaps a bit gay...but I can't say that for sure. And I can't say "I hope not" either because even if he were straighter than that that watery path in Gibraltar, what would I do about it???

But last night's episode was just hilarious. If you saw it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The producers, once again proving that they'd go for drama over heart any day, decided to mix things up and switch up the teams. At first I thought "hey, big deal, at least you're still training!" But then I thought about the poor pudgies (and I mean that affectionately) going from Bob's team to Jillian's. It's like going from a modern kindergarten teacher to Sister Theresa's 1952 classroom. At first you're cozy and loved and supported and then BAM....you're paddled to a bloody pulp by someone who claims they're doing it for your own good.

Tough Love from Jillian:

"Pain is not your friend, pain is just pain."

"Let's see, how can I describe the last chance workout,...Beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, .... And when we're done with that...some more beatings!!"

"I believe in blood, sweat and tears."

BUT....then I got past feeling pity for them. When the sappy music started and the contestants started whining, Sione pulled his hood over his head and crossed his arms like a big stupid baby, everyone was crying...there was a slow-motion montage of Bob working with his former teammates. And then it happened....Bob Harper lost control. He was shedding tears like I do at bartime. There were moments when he couldn't even talk he was so choked up. There was a giant (wink) group hug as they all said goodbye and then Bob encouraged them to go on with their lives and train hard.

What in the SAM HELL???????? Who the hell died? People, Bob's RIGHT ACROSS THE GYM FROM YOU!!!! He may not be training you but take your girlie panties off and remember WHY you're there....not for warm fuzzies but to lose that flab!!! I'm not saying it was easy to work with a new trainer and yes, I understand, it was emotional. They've built bonds and relationships. It was cruel on the part of the show to do that...anything for ratings. I wish we'd just stick to the point of the show...losing weight, not creating drama. But....

These people are so lucky and I absolutely love the cast this season. They all make me work harder and I think each one is so sincere in their desire to make a better life through health. They've been given a gift and talk about looking the gift horse in the mouth...

Jillian made a great point when she said this was incredibly advantageous because contestants were going to learn 2 different methods for overall health... True up, Satan's sister. You'd think they were all sent home and forced to do it the way we're all forced to do it...on our own. Wow, did they piss me off.

Sione saying he worked but didn't want to work that hard because it was Jillian training him and he didn't care as much. About what???? About your health? About losing weight? About not having your nose up Bob's ass anymore? You love Bob $250,000 worth????

I really hope that editing just made it look that ridiculous, but even editing can't make up the conversation and tears that took place. It happened. I just hope they pulled themselves together and will now learn to work as a team, a new team...

Can you even imagine if this is how we behaved at work and we got a new boss???? "But I don't want to work for you even if I learn more skills and expand my resume!!!! I don't want to be worth more money!!!! I don't want to work with my new coworkers!!!! I want my mommy!!!!" *stomps on floor, crosses arms defiantly, pouts and hunches over*

"The Bachelor".... Most dramatic Final Rose Ceremony EVER

I'm seriously laughing my butt off right now.

If you watch the Bachelor or are even familiar with it and it's laughable premise, you are aware of the rose ceremonies and Final Rose, where the Bachelor picks the lady he wants to spend "the rest of his life with", or the one he wants to have crazy mad sex with for a week or two. Track record is similar to a plate of pasta in front of me...doesn't last real long.

After Monday's "dramatic" episode, "The Bachelor's" answer to Jeff Probst informs us there will be 2 "After the Final Rose" episodes, and something so dramatic happens that they had to have a closed set due to the sensitive nature of the situation.

Lordiness. For YEARS, Chris Harrison has been touting each and every episode of the the show to be the "most dramatic ever." Boy, meet Wolf. Wolf, meet Boy.

So now, after years and years of this rubbish, we're supposed to believe something crazy is going to happen that will blow all other finales away. Yawn.

Okay, not yawn, because as usual, I buy all this crap hook, line and sinker. I'm not saying I buy it on an emotional level, as though I actually care about these people. I buy it on the "I need to know" level.

From here on out, I will talk about spoilers but not reveal them. Not everyone is like me and wants to know beforehand!

Until a few days ago, I'd never heard of a chap named "Reality Steve." I guess he's some staple blogger who is, you guessed it, obsessed with reality tv. And he's obsessed with "The Bachelor." Hrm.....I don't even know that many women who watch the show, but there's our pal Steve, following the show and blogging nearly every day. Dude, Laura Bush called...she wants her skirt back.

On the ABC boards yesterday, there were rumors swirling about that Reality Steve had all the answers and knows exactly what is "so shocking" and "sensitive". Why Steve? How does he know? It doesn't matter, because he announced that he would be spilling the beans this morning on YouTube. All your questions will be answered in a self-videotaped message, or possibly 3 consecutive videos, because there is just so much to say.

So I went to work today and damn near counted the minutes until I could get home and watch him share what he claims he's known all along, and is only sharing because he's been concerned about the false rumors being spread on what the "sensative" situation could possibly be. I've read that Molly is pregnant. Melissa is pregnant. Stephanie is really his sister. His ex-wife makes a scene about how he exploited his child. Melissa's parents are dead. Melissa had a sex change (no, I am not kidding).

So Reality Steve, listening to his conscience, decides to put all rumors to bed and tell us what he really knows. What a guy!!!

I just finished watching the videos. I want those 20-some minutes of my life back. In that time, I could have worked out. I could have entered Uppercase Living orders. I could have cleaned my bathroom. Washed my sheets. Folded laundry. Took a shower. Dusted. Vacuumed. Slept. Anything other than watch that display of self-appreciation.

I am wordy but this man takes the cake. He took 20-some odd minutes to tell us what he could have said in no more than 3 minutes. This man obviously loves himself so much that he needed to film himself for nearly a half hour. He talks to his dog. He shifts around like crazy. He pumps himself so full of importance that you wonder why he isn't curing cancer. He makes weird faces. Uses dramatic pauses. It's all here, folks. One stop shopping.

He even goes on to discuss conspiracy theories that even those who think our own government flew the planes into the Twin Towers would be proud of. Who knew tv producers had so much power!

THIS is why we have YouTube. To have people create their own stardom.

Does he have the answers? Did he really know what he was talking about? Well, only time will tell I suppose as the finale is still a week away, and the second After the Final rose is nearly two weeks away. But at least I can sleep tonight knowing what Reality Steve thinks is going to happen...

Is it shocking? Not really. Not if you've seen ANY episode of the past seasons of the Bachelor.

Don't Give Up on Love!!!

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Sexiest Serial Killer EVER

Seriously, just look at that face...

I'm officially obsessed with the Shotime show "Dexter." I knew I'd like it as horror movies are my thing, but I had no idea it would be to this level. After cranking out seasons 1 and 2 each in less than 48 hours, I'm ready to declare my love to Dexter. There's just that small little detail of him being a fictional character. And a murderer. Oh, and I'm married.

A killer with a conscience. Who knew?



Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

All I Want for Christmas is....A Princess Unicorn Doll

The Legend:

Princess Unicorn is from a distant land on a distant planet far in the future. She came from her father, king of the unicorns, and her mother, a queen of the princesses. Sorcerissa, the evil witch, cast a spell on Princess Unicorn's parents, forcing them into another dimension, and doused Princess Unicorn in radiation. The radiation did not hurt Princess Unicorn, but gave her magical powers. She can summon her magic by holding her wand and calling out "My horn can pierce the sky!" Now she uses he magic and beauty to write for her school paper, defend her kingdom, and battle Sorcerissa so she can be reunited with her mother and father some day.

And THIS is why I love "The Office." It is, officially, my favorite tv show. Sorcerissa!? Seriously? And when you hear "My Horn Can Pierce the Sky", aren't you just singing it to the Transformer's theme (old school here) in your head??? (More than meets the eye!)


www.princessunicorndoll.com

From the very website created to further waste my time in a most entertaining way:

* Comb her hair and set it the way you wish!
* Her hands move freely!
* Includes sparkly Magic Wand!
* Beautiful multi-layered dress!

Princess Unicorn, the most beautiful in all the land.
Grab her wand and let your imagination soar.
Unlock the magic of Princess Unicorn!

Caution:

* Wash hands thoroughly after handling Princess Unicorn.
* Do not play with Princess Unicorn if you are allergic to lead based paint.
* The spike on Princess Unicorn is incredibly sharp, so Princess Unicorn can pierce the sky. It can also pierce your skin. Handle with care. (Who in the hell is writing this stuff? I want to buy them a beer!)

Appropriate for ages 2+




And to make sure no one feels left out:



The Office is up for 2 Golden Globes, to be given out in January. There is absolutely ZERO reason this piece of comedic gold shouldn't win best comedy. Tina Fey and the rest of the cast of 30 Rock, kiss my rear.

Aside from Princess Unicorn, there was plenty of goodness in this episode:

"I call it a orangevodjuice-ka."
"Princess Unicorn: Genetically improbable. How does that happen? A king has sex with a unicorn? A man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?" (yes, more Princess Unicorn, gotta give it up to Dwight)
"Do you take requests?" "Please stop."


And finally, if anyone is still looking for a Christmas gift for me, I'd like a Princess Unicorn shirt, size L. I will buy you many orangevodjuice-kas.