I pride myself on being a cynic. This way, I avoid falling victim to scam and thus ridicule. Trust me, my friends and family can be brutal. I approach things in a very logical way, for the most part, and research and analyze until it drives even the most patient saint nuts. This is not to say I am not spontaneous, because I am very much so, just not where my money is concerned. Often times it can be pretty damn difficult to pry a buck out of my hands. The other day I made a comment about money and Braeden responded "Mr. Krabs likes money." Smart boy, as green is one of his favorite things. This is a bit unnerving to realize how much I have in common with a talking crab with whale for a daughter.
At any rate, here's the point to my story...
I love that stupid lift in the crown of women's hair. I've been a fan for a long time and it's funny that it only recently has become a nationwide obsession. Nobody has flat hair, they all have that pouf in the back. I have a LOT of hair so up until now, I've been pretty lucky with being able to just give it a little tease should the mood strike me and on my way I go. I've also pulled up the sides (now that it's long enough again) and used them as anchors to pull the middle hair up. Works pretty well if I do say so myself. However, I always felt there just had to be another way... And to think some people spend their days worrying about finding a job. How shallow I've become.
Well I'd be a bird with no leg (thank you, Wes) if I didn't recently see a commercial for Bumpits, plastic inserts concealed in the crown of your hair to give you that most desirable look. Of course, why didn't I think of that! I'd be a millionaire! Of course, I never patented my stupid idea way back when to cut off the feet of my nylons either, and look where that's gotten me. (Reality check Amanda...I don't think it counts as an idea when you think of it while you're wasted at sorority formal and are sick of just getting holes in the bottoms of your nyloned foot...hardly the purpose of Spanks).
Back on point...as with everything that costs me money, I researched. Google is my best friend. I read all the reviews and was quite saddened to see that most people were very let down by said plastic. I read that you can see the combs, they don't stay in place, the arch is visible, there is a bad "dropoff"....etc, etc, etc. So I shelved the idea, both because of the reviews and because I make it a practice to never order anything from TV. My Father in Law only reinforced that with his recent purchase of the GT Xpress.
Yesterday it resurfaced. While lying sick in bed with some ridiculous virus that took both my voice and my breath, a bumpits commercial came on. Again, my hopes soared. Until I saw the price, plus shipping and handling. Crazy, I say....crazy!!! Yet once again I found myself on the net researching them...perhaps in the last month or two they've changed the product, or someone's uncovered a secret to using them????
And then I saw it...someone posted they got them at Sally Beauty Supply (cue ad on right). At 9 am this morning I was calling my local store and by 11 am, I was in the door picking up the last blonde one they had in stock. The checker explained I can return them if they don't work out, which was music to my ears, because even those the $9.49 price tag is over half what they wanted on tv, $10 is still $10 and I don't want to spend $10 on crap. I save that money for a pack of smokes when I hit the bar. See the logic????
When we got home, I set Braeden up with some colored pencils and Spongebob and eagerly went to work. I could feel my heart racing in anticipation. I read the directions. Followed them precisely. Here's what I am hoping to acheive. My hair is a bit longer now but this is just cool:
Take 1: OOOHHHH!!!! Look at that height!!!! But shit, you can see the teeth on the combs. Easily.
Take 2. Tease more. Insert. You can see the insert. It's shiny.
Take 3: Tease more. Hairspray more. I guess this is like primer? Insert. Comb teeth. Why does my hair feel thin? I have enough freaking hair to cover this gadget.
Take 4: Flip upside down and tease and spray. Obviously this volumizing device needs volume to work. I look like Bride of Frankenstein. You can see the combs.
Take 5: Pull more hair forward so I have more hair to cover the crescent. Tease. Insert device. It now sits too far back on my head and looks like I have a strange tumor. And you can still see the combs.
Take 6: Flip upside down and tease furiously again. Blood rushes to my face. Flip up and ugly blue vein is protruding from my forehead. Insert and tossle hair with fingers while spraying hairspray. Separate hairspray-doused strands of hair with comb. Bump stupid Bumpit with comb and knock it out of place. I now have lift on the right side of my head. You can see the combs.
Take 7 - 10: Guess.
Take 11: Take stretchy headband and insert in hair, fluffing back of head with fingers, no device. Nice volume in back, decent lift in the crown.
Fuckers.
Guess I'll be going back to Sally soon to return these "As seen on TV" pieces of plastic. What a fool I am.... :(
2 comments:
I had often wondered if they worked. I was a smidge interested as well but was unwilling to go through the hassel of ordering, waiting, etc.
Sucks that they don't work!
You crack me up! I've always been intrigued by the Bumpit as well. Sorry it didn't work out! :)
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