I wonder...

Do cats ever stop and say to themselves, "I feel like Italian for dinner"?????



Fancy Feast unveils their new "Tuscan Inspired" cat entrees.

Amanda's Truth About Motherhood Entry #3

My Kid Has NO Idea There is Such a Thing as "Kid's Music"

It's true. The sound of bubble-gummy, sweet as molasses tunes make me want to vomit. He knows of certain shows on television where music reigns supreme (Wiggles, Doodlebops...etc) but has absolutely no idea that they actually produce CDs aimed at children. I have XM Radio and only once or twice have I turned on the Disney Kids (out of guilt, of course) and guess what was on? Miley Cyrus. I can hear that on top 40 (if I really wanted to....and I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face than listen to Hannah Montana...yeah, shout out to Weird Al!!!).

It's not that I don't approve of the message or innocence. In fact, I think it's a wonderful thing. Kids are growing up way to fast these days and the longer we can keep them young, the better. However, I thrive on music. I always have. It's my way of just escaping. Rhythm runs rampant in my family (rhythm, not dancing, mind you) and music speaks to us. Listening to John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt speaks to me in ways that make me shudder.

The few times he's heard kids music (Jaime, I'm talking to you) he just blanked out. He was so far tuned out from it, more interested in reading books. I don't know if some of it is above his head, because to be honest, so much kids music isn't so much about kids but about stupid topics that I wouldn't bring up at my dinner table. That same day we had on Disney XM Kids there was a song about a man who farted all the time. I kid you not.

And what about those cheesy Kidz Bop CD commercials that are on every commercial break on Nickelodeon et al? Is it really appropriate for kids to be singing "So What" by Pink? For your reading pleasure, the lyrics of the first verse:

I guess I just lost my boyfriend
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna spend my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent

I got a brand new attitude
And I'm gonna wear it tonight
I'm gonna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight

I understand that these CDs are probably for kids older than 3-1/2 but the point still remains that they are marketed as Kids music. And stupid people buy them for their young children (no offense if that was you, it's the fault of marketing...I get that).

So what do we listen to in the car??? Whatever I feel like. Braeden likes classic rock and even some hip hop. Sure, not all of it is appropriate but I'm not some boobhead that leaves the station on when any of Flo-Rida's songs come on. Even if it goes way over his head, I doubt the artist is capable of producing any song that isn't about giving head.

Braeden loves the Rolling Stones. He loves the drum song by Kanye West. His favorite all-time song is "Only Time Will Tell" by Asia (WHO??? Yeah, I said the same thing when this all started). He's obsessed with the "horn song." There have been times when we put our foots down and refuse to play it anymore after the tenth time in a 30 minute drive.

Maybe when he gets older I'll bend a little, but for now, I'm selfish in this respect. Besides, I don't want anyone Jingleheimerschmidting around my child.

Could the Next American Idol Be Gay?

On this "controversial" question being posed right now all over the internet, I have two things to say:

1) Is there anyone out there who actually believes Adam ISN'T gay?
2) Who EFFING cares if he is???

Not to judge a book by it's cover, but look at him. All you have to do is watch the personal segments on him before he sings and he's all but telling everyone he's gay. I cannot believe there is even a glimmer of doubt on this topic.

There are pictures circling like wildfire on the internet of Adam kissing another man. Sigh. Is this what we do with our time now? Judge a person's talent on his sexual preference? I don't mean to get all lib on everyone (and anyone who knows me knows that a liberal I am NOT) but get the hell over it. If you've got talent, that is what you should be judged on. Not whether you prefer a dessert of Twinkies or donut holes.

I will stand up on my very chair and declare myself a HUGE Adam Lambert fan. Every week I look forward to seeing what he's going to do, and only one time did I feel some let down, but not in a "you're not my favorite anymore" kind of way. More so in a "I can appreciate your talent but that was a little weird" kind of way. If you watch the show, I'm sure you know of which week I speak. He is incredibly original and immensely talented. He's entertaining as hell to watch and his voice blows everyone else out of the water. Isn't that why we watch these performers? To be entertained?

I give the highest props to the guy...he's the well-deserved front runner. I only hope that homophobes out there can give credit where credit is due and not try and sabotage this contest for him. You know....by posting stupid pictures intended to ruffle people's feathers. And make up your hypocritical minds... Some of the same sources who celebrated Ellen's wedding to Portia are painting Adam into a very strange and probably uncomfortable, judgmental corner. Apparently it's okay to be America's Lesbian Sweetheart but not America's Homosexual Idol. What, exactly, is the difference? They're both entertainers and hella-good at what they do, what they were apparently put on this very Earth to do. Is it my business, or anyone else's, what they do in their private time? Methinks not.

(oh, and for the record, loving Danny Gokey too. That whole Milwaukee pride thing, you know how it goes!)

My New Favorite Quote

“Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken.” ~ Anonymous

Truer words have never been spoken.

(Thanks to one of my followers for the quote!)

My name is Amanda and I'm An Addict

I'm addicted to Craig's List. There, I've said it and I feel better. I check Craig's List daily. I cannot believe some of the deals we've gotten on stuff for Braeden, such as a swingset (which I just sold for what we paid for it last year), his first bike (which he rides daily when the weather is nice), and other odds and ends. I hate paying retail for children's stuff because it's just going to get beat up anyways. I'm cheap that way.

Yet every day I am floored by the CRAP people try and sell. 5 stained onesies for $2. Who in their right mind is going to drive to West Bend for 5 used onesies for $2??? Do you know what those stains are? I'll give you a hint...odds are whatever it is spent some time inside a child before it came out. To save $2? What's the gas money going to cost you? Have you heard of Walmart?

Or there are the people who sell things for a "great price" and all you have to do is an ounce of research to realize you can get it for much less and brand new elsewhere.

There's nothing wrong with trying to make some money on things you don't need anymore. However, it is incredibly deceptive to try and sell shit at exorbitant prices. And it's even more snakey to sell FREE shit for a profit.

Case in point?



These stupid taco bell dogs are selling for $10. And the seller is touting that they are new (as evidenced by them still being in the bags). These were promo dogs produced a few years ago by the company. Promo=Free. I know this because my son has one. It's obnoxious and ugly. And did I mention it was FREE?

However, I'm sure the same idiot who thought that the chicken bacon sandwich was healthy will shell out the cash for the dogs.

Yo quiero Taco Bell, my friends!

Are you a total idiot???

I am frequently amazed at how stupid some people are. Not just your run-of-the-mill stupid, such as forgetting your gym card every time you go to the gym, doing an entire International Dinner's worth of shopping and then getting to register and realizing you didn't bring your wallet, or leaving the faucet on in the plugged laundry basin for 20 minutes while your laundry and mud rooms flood and it rains in your basement. (All of the previously mentioned being my doing)

I'm talking every day, common sense stupid. Every day I log onto Yahoo, which happens to be our home page and just about every other day the featured story is a "good things to know" piece. And every other day, I get sucked into clicking the link and proceed to wonder who in the hell the people are who've gotten through every day of their sad lives without knowing the information.

Articles in the past...

How to burn 500 calories?
Yahoo Answer: Take a spinning class.
Idiot's response: "OOOHHHHH....so I need to EXERCISE to lose weight. That's news to me!"

How to be more organized?
Yahoo Answer: File paperwork.
Idiot's response - "What's a file? Where's the Yahoo article on that?"

How to save money?
Yahoo Answer: Skip the daily latte.
Idiot's response: "But it's only $4 a day. That's not going to add up to anything."


Today's informative article featured the world's worst sandwiches. Is our country really that STUPID to need a list of eatery sandwiches that are bad for our health? One of the winners: Atlanta Bread Company Turkey Bacon Rustica. Who is the schmuck who looked at the menu and thought that was a healthy alternative to other selections? Does said blockhead not know that BACON is bad for you? Does this person go to Burger King and opt for the fried chicken sandwich slathered in mayo because, well....it's chicken, and chicken is good for you?

UGH. Common sense folks, common sense.

Amanda's Truth About Motherhood Entry #2

My Kid was 3-1/2 Before He Gave Up the Nuk

I am a total spaz about certain things, and the nuk was one of those triggers for me. I did NOT want a child who was chained to the nuk, pacifier, binky, etc. So from the time he was 9 months old, we stopped carrying one with us in public places. He was allowed to have his nuk in the carseat, at home, and in his crib. When he learned to walk, he was limited to the car and his crib. I felt like a hardass, but it's what we felt we needed to do in order to make sure he never developed a habit outside of sleeping.

However, he could have as many as he wanted in the crib. At one time, we had 12 nuks in the corner, on a blanket, so that when one fell between the slats and onto the floor, there was always another for him to find. Gone were the mid-night wakings, wailing for his nuk, and one of us having to go and retreive it. Problem solved!

Joe and I talked for months (years) about getting rid of it. But the truth of it all was that we were in no hurry. Braeden is/has always been a fantastic sleeper. And when I say that, I mean the kid BEGGED to go to sleep. Aside from seeing his blanks (another entry, another time), he got to use his beloved nuk. 8:30 pm - 8 or 9 am, not a peep. I loved the nuk as much as he did (I reaped the benefits of his sleep too) and deep down, I dreaded the day when it would go bye-bye.

So I let him keep it. For 3-1/2 years. The kid is in preschool, for the love of God.

The nuk fairy, at Braeden's suggestion, came to visit our house last Thursday and took all the nuks from the bag we hung in the tree and took them all to babies who needed them. It was actually very cute, albeit terribly frightening for me. What would happen to his sleep? My sleep?

The event came and went without much trouble, he's adapted just fine and is still sleeping perfectly. He was more ready than I was, I guess. We have been nuk free for 5 nights now and I'm glad it's done with....

BTW, The nuk fairy left a chainsaw as a parting gift. What happened to quarters, such as those the tooth fairy used to leave????

Amanda's Truth About Motherhood Entry #1

DVR = Sleep

We DVR episodes of Scooby Doo (all incarnations...Scooby Doo - Where are You?, Pup Named Scooby Doo, What's New Scooby Doo) and Curious George for Braeden to watch in the morning if he gets up too early. I love sleeping and if that Great Dane can give me an extra 20 minutes, so be it. No, we do not have a limit of television hours in our house.

"The Truth About Motherhood"

I used to enjoy watching Oprah. After all, I am a stay at home mom, and that's what we do, right? Sit around watching Oprah and eating bon-bons. No bon-bons for me. And ever since Oprah crawled up Obama's ass and built herself a soapbox up there, I've chosen to forgo my even most random viewings.

But the previews for yesterdays episode intrigued me so I tuned in. It was all about the ugly truth of Motherhood. The completely and totally unglamorous side that no one wants to talk about for fear of being judged or ridiculed. Sounds somewhat heavy, doesn't it? Well, it wasn't. It was downright hilarious.

I cannot tell you how many times I have begun venting about my life as a mother to someone and stopped myself mid-story or even mid-sentence. I work part time in a day care at an athletic club and deal with mothers every day who seem to have it all together. Some women with 4 or more children! I have friends who have children and always seem so put together. They appear to love every minute of being a mother and make it look so easy. And I stop myself mid-sentence because that is not me.

I doubt myself daily on my abilities as a mother. I love Braeden and wouldn't trade being a mother for the world. But is it my ENTIRE life? No. Is it easy? No. Do I enjoy every minute of it? HELL NO.

(and let me interject here that even as I type this, Braeden is choosing this as the perfect opportunity to need 100% of my attention to show me that the fabric measuring tape slides under a closed door...never a moment's peace)

I really thought that I was of some freakish rare breed, a breed of women that lacks that certain maternal mindset to morph into SuperMom. Apparently I'm not alone. Hallelujah!!! Turns out that there are scores of women out there who do what they can just to get by, just to make it through the day. The smiles on their faces are not because they love their job, but often times a front. Doesn't mean that we would rather not have children. It's just that there is so much "mom" talk out there, and with the media and internet at our fingertips, it's so much easier to stack ourselves up against others. And with all that comparison, it's simple to feel like we're failing.

I am thrilled beyond reason that I DVR'd the show as it put things into major perspective for me. I am REAL. I've always claimed to be a real mom, not some facade of what a mom should be. My kid has cried it out. He had mashed potatoes at 4 months old, before he'd even eaten Gerber vegetable purees. Sometimes he watches hours of television a day just so I can do laundry, make dinner, or heaven forbid....RELAX!!! Scooby is our best friend, our loyal (free) babysitter.... He eats chocolate. He's worn the same shirt 3 days in a row because it had Scooby on it and he wanted to wear it, despite the tomato sauce stains...

There is so much that others just didn't tell us before we became moms. A little heads-up would have been nice!!!! I love this topic so much that I think I'm going to try and do a series of blog entries about being a real mother. The ugly truth of things that every other "real" mom can identify with. Things you can stand up for and shout "I've DONE that!!!!!" (a woman spotlighted on Oprah's show started this whole real mom blog thing...great idea!) If anything, it may be therapeutic to me and others to know that we're all in the same boat. We're not perfect and we shouldn't need to feel the pressure to be. Years ago, it wasn't like this (or so I've been told). They did the best they could. Motherhood is a real bitch at times, and I love that the dialogue has begun. Time to get real, ladies!!!!

April Fools Day Part 2 - Cupcakes!

A while back, I read about a book called "Hello Cupcake" and thought it was the cutest concept I'd ever heard. Making cupcakes look like things they are not sounded like so much fun! Of course, I am the furthest thing from a baker but it sounded so easy and the book was cheap on Amazon.com, so I splurged.

And the book sat in my cookbook collection for nearly a month, untouched.

I hate baking. Loathe it. I never do it right. I follow the directions to a "T" and somehow something always gets hosed up. Take yesterday for example... I hosted Bunco and decided to make these Chewy Coconut Bars that everyone loves. I've had success with them in the past and they're easy. When I was supposed to pull them out of the oven, they still seemed underdone, so I left them in there an extra 10 minutes. I even got nervous I overcooked them! But after they sat on the counter top cooling for two hours, I cut into them to find that they were still gooey in the middle. And by gooey, I mean RAW. How could this be? Knowing I couldn't serve them as is, I decided to throw them back in the oven and double bake them. I didn't even know if that was possible, because isn't baking a chemical reaction of sorts? Well, I baked the crap out of them AGAIN and it actually seemed to work. They weren't as good as normal, but they weren't giving anyone salmonella anytime soon.

So why I thought I'd be able to make these crazy cupcakes, I'm not sure. But Tuesday afternoon I decided it was time to dive in. Braeden and I went and got all the necessary ingredients and I made a double batch, some for dinner with my dad that night, some for the kiddies at the daycare at the gym, and the rest for Bunco. The house looked like a warzone when Joe got home (and he retreated to the basement just to get away from it all) but I worked my butt off to accomplish the task at hand. That day, I was a BAKER!

And here was my "April Fools Day" surprise:





Get it? It's spaghetti and meatballs. Cute, hey? Unfortunately, my close up pictures didn't turn out so hot (new camera a few months ago and we still haven't read the manual...didn't for the last one either). They were a hit!!! Unfortunately, the "sauce" started to melt the pasta over time but you still get the gist.

For the pasta, you just squeeze frosting out of a ziploc bag with the corner snipped. The sauce is Reduced Sugar Strawberry preserves, and the meatballs are Ferrero Rocher candy. It was a totally fun treat.

Now I'm feeling more confident and think I'm going to make some for Easter. Braeden wants the ones with the bunny butts sticking out of the grass patches. I'll post on that later, if it happens!!!

April Fools!!!

I really hate this "holiday". It serves absolutely no purpose except to make total asses out of everyone. While I think some of the harmless pranks would be fun to pull, I would never EVER dream of pulling them on my dearest better half. Although he is the funniest man I know, his sense of humor regarding being the butt of a joke is non-existant. And any prank that I could think of (or was brought up to me) would not go over well.

Telling him I'm pregnant. (Probable Reaction: Joy then overwhelming anxiety because his employer just handed down the shittiest of all shitty health care plans)

Taping the spray head of the kitchen faucet so it would shoot at him when he turned the water on. (Probable Reaction: "Water intrusion is nothing to joke around about, Amanda.")

Saran Wrap on the toilet seat (Probable Reaction: An hour of him angrily scrubbing the floor and toilet followed by a trip to the local hardware store to find something suitable for cleaning pee splatters off of drywall)

Dumping cold water over the shower doors. (Probable Reaction: Flailing about which would result in him losing his footing and come crashing through the glass doors, falling on top of all the shards and then being rushed to the emergency room.)

No, none of these things would do. He is a good sport about most stuff, but why would I pull anything on him that I wouldn't want pulled on myself???

April Fools Day is just silly.