(Kind of immature but so well deserved)
Last night was the finale of Jason Mesnick's season of "The Bachelor" as well as the first of a 2 part "After the Final Rose" event. A few posts ago, I blogged about a fart named Reality Steve who spilled the beans on the show's "most dramatic" conclusion ever. I didn't really WANT to look but I hate surprises and needed to. Kind of like I NEED a necklace and handbag to go with every outfit....
I never really doubted him as he, in his own ill-performed way, seemed confident in his story. I guess he's well reputed in the reality tv world (who knew there could be such a person?) so it stands to reason, I suppose, that he wouldn't put his rep on the line and give away an ending he wasn't 100% sure of. If only we all had that kind of time to devote to a dying television art form. Oh crap, and here I'm blogging about it...
Anyways, as told, Jason walked Molly hand-in-hand toward the curb and then kicked her to it. He then lost control of himself in a fit of tears and emotion. Kind of weird, really, considering he just broke up with her because he's "completely in love with another woman" (or some other dribble like that). If I was the chosen one, I'd be like "Listen up, mother f$#%@&.... Why the hell do you care so much about letting go of her if you love me?" Nothing like making you second guess where your man's heart is to have him breakdown about not being able to make out with 2 babes anymore.
So he proposes to Melissa and she squeals like a Pomeranian, they jump in the pool with Ty, his son (well, how did YOU celebrate your engagement? With a glass of wine? How boring!) and talk about how much in love they are and how great the future is going to be.
For 6 weeks.
Then fade to "After the Final Rose" and Chris Harrison announcing what we've had shoved down our throats for the past 3 weeks... What we are about to see is potentially so shocking that they filmed on a closed set. Jason walks out, looking forlorn and beaten, and tells us the shocking news...
He doesn't love Melissa anymore. He's going to break up with her.
Now, had I not known this previously, I still would have laughed my ass off (burned a few extra calories I suppose). Who really expects these Bachelor relationships to work out? There's Trista and Ryan, of course, but they're one of like 13 seasons. That's a 7.7% success rate. Even for weathermen, that's not good...
So what's the logical thing to do? According to Jason, it's to break up with Melissa ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. WTF!? First off, WHO actually thought this was a good idea? The producers? If so, that further perpetuates the feeling Joe has that all television producers should rot in hell. Did Jason think this was a good idea? Who knows, but odds are that the contract he signed was so iron-clad and he had to do everything the hellbound producers wanted, short of sacrificing Ty to the Reality Gods.
So after he breaks it to Melissa (no pun intended) that they are over, she calls him a "bastard" and tells him "not to call or text me anymore." He tells her that he can't stop thinking about his second choice, Molly. Uh oh. I give her credit...if this was real, I don't know how she didn't pummel his ass into tomorrow. I would have. On national tv!? Really, Jason!
After she leaves the set, they bring out Molly and Chris does everything but stamp it on her damn (unusually large and shiny) forehead that Jason is going to ask for a second chance. After claiming that she was in mourning for some time but is now okay, she says she's actually dreamt that would happen and that she does actually still love him. He comes out, all slithery, and in what could be the most akward moment in RT history, says something to the effect of "I was wondering, like, if we could give it another shot."
I think my first boyfriend said that to me. We were 10.
After watching this last night, I really think the sidebar prediction Reality Steve had about this entire season being scripted may be spot on. He claims that right off the bat, Jason knew it was going to be Molly, but he had to play along with the producers' game because of the Bachelor contract. If so, Melissa was a pawn in this unfortunate series of events. Listening to the dialogue, reading the body language (knew those college courses would pay off one day!), the bad acting, all of it together spelled SCRIPTED. Damn them all for thinking we're all idiots. All 42 million of us idiots that probably tuned in last night.
But here's what stumps me most about this whole thing... Molly's reaction. She sat, looking stumped, but the more he yammered on about how he made a mistake, the more she ate it up. By the end, I swear I that I thought she was going to propose to HIM. What kind of self-appreciating woman would be OK with this? He chose another woman, claimed he was head over heels in love with her, brought her into his young son's life and spent 6 (count 'em, SIX) weeks with her before deciding, nope, this ain't happening. It isn't working out with number 1, so I'm going to give number 2 a shot.
What woman says, Hell Yeah! Let's do this! Does she realize that she's his LEFTOVERS? There isn't a girl on Earth who is okay with that, unless, she's like imbalanced or something. And her stupid grin last night may have indicted that is the case.
Tonight is Part 2 and they promise there's one more surprise in store. What? He gave Molly 3 weeks and decided that after all this, he still loves Deanna? And who could actually believe her nerve showing up last night telling him SHE wanted a second chance? What's the name of this show again? "What's for Dinner Tonight? Last Night's Meatloaf!"????
Run away Jillian...fast as you can!!!!
Anxiously awaiting tonight's pure absurdity...
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