They Fit!! They Fit!!!

My favorite pair of jeans actually fit my butt when I tried them on today. I am so unbelievably excited! I've been exercising religiously for the past 1-1/2 months after only doing it half-assed since July or so. And then I decided to finish all my Nutrisystem food about a week and a half ago. I blogged about THAT below.

But everything is apparently coming together and my favorite jeans, uncomfortably SNUG (that's being kind) two weeks ago, actually fit today.

I'm so happy right now, and hoping everything keeps going this well. I feel great, love what I'm doing and am looking forward to wearing my walk-in closet full of clothes with confidence once again!!!!

The Great Hamburger Helper Debate

I post somewhat regularly (not a lot but I read it every day) on a message board filled with women who have children born in September of 2005. It's been a great resource for me since a lot of the women have older children and have already gone through all this craziness.

Currently there is a great debate going on over Hamburger Helper. Cripes, I can't even call it a debate as there is no debate taking place.... Someone asked our opinion of it and every single post, except for mine, has been scathing of the product.

Let me put this out there... We eat it. Not a lot, but we eat it. And you know what? We enjoy it. Yes, we are WELL aware of the fact that it is not healthy. There are many other choices we could make but sometimes I just want me some Strohganoff Hamburger Helper.

I ate so much HH when I was pregnant that we were afraid Braeden would be Lasagna flavored. 10 for $10 at Pick 'N Save was like winning the lottery for me. It was easy and I didn't feel like doing a whole lot, so it fit the bill.

Our house is filled with very healthy choices. I am very proud of the fact that we're raising Braeden to know the goodness of whole wheat bread, fruits and vegetables, olive oil, etc. He is a STELLAR eater. I cook with a ton of fresh ingredients and belong to many healthy eating websites where I get fantastic recipes.

Braeden is not allowed to snack on Hostess and he doesn't want to. He doesn't drink soda because he doesn't want to...he'll chose water. He told me he didn't like his sandwich one day at lunch because the bread was weird...we had a loaf of white bread left over from some visiting friends ~ He's used to whole wheat. One of his favorite snacks is carrots and RF italian dressing. Last night he forwent an Oreo (from his Dad) in favor of an apple. Did I mention he's 3????

Our diet is awesome 90% of the time. So if the other 10% is filled with things like special trips to McDonald's, pizza, or God forbid...Hamburger Helper, I'm okay with that. I'll sleep just fine at night. I'm not poisoning him. It doesn't make me less of a Mother.

I'm curious...is this an instance where the only people who post are ones who have something negative to say? They say that about reviews. Are all the HH eaters hiding for fear of being slapped with a stupid stick? Or are the Janiks some freakish rarity that enjoy box dinners from time to time? Do YOU eat it? Or do you think I should be commmitted?

Now, I have to go clean up from Braeden's lunch of a peach, broccoli and veggie pasta with tomoato sauce. Ssssshhhhhh....don't tell anyone but it was white pasta.

When I Actually WANTED him to be Interested in the Box...

I think it's a universal thing that toddlers enjoy playing with the boxes more than the actual toy itself that came in the box. Frustrating, but that's life. I think by 3 that they outgrow that. Or should...

Not mine. He loves boxes. Braeden doesn't care about toys. He has tons of them and there they all sit, in his playroom, begging to be picked up, tossed about, thrown, etc... I think Braeden figures he doesn't need toys when he has his parents. After all, he can jump and climb on us, make us laugh, chase us, follow us around, yell for us when we're on the phone, whine to us...and we still love him. Who needs toys?

So we got the new lamp we've been waiting for today. I ordered it two weeks ago from a fantastically cheap website. We already have the same lamp and it's floor counterpart, but our great room is still incredibly dim. It's two stories tall, after all.... It came in a huge box, just PERFECT for a kid with a good imagination.

If you find that kid, send him my way.

I gave Braeden crayons and tried helping his color his box. Maybe it could be a fort? Or a racecar like I made when I was a kid? Or construction equipment? A house? A bus? He didn't want to color it. He wanted to cut it. As you can imagine, safety scissors won't cut cardboard so I did it for him with a boxcutter. He wanted a window on top (while the box was on it's side) so he could pop out the top of it. Okay, sounds like fun!! A sunroof!

I do as told and then he begins climbing in. I hear "Eww!!! A 'trings' in there!" Translation, "Eww!!! I'm totally freakishly "particular" like my dad and there's a STRING in there!!!!" I look inside...it's glue they used to help keep the box shut. It's at the far end of the box. It's not hanging inside the box like the guts of a pumpkin. It's stuck to the bottom of the box and it's not coming off. It's only a few swirls.

He asks me but I explain that I am much too big to climb in the box and scrape the glue off. He attempts to climb in again with blanks (blanket) to "swat" the glue away. No go. He takes my Swiffer Duster from the cabinet and swiffers the glue and is upset that didn't work. He asks me to cut that wall off to rid the box of the deadly and vengeful glue. I explain I cannot as the box will then collapse. He wants to send Girlie in the box to lick the glue off. You have to know my answer to that. So the solution to all of this was easy...

Braeden is now watching Scooby Doo and the super cool box is going in the garage to be torn up and recycled.

Hate to See What Would Happen if He Died

The Biggest Loser is truly the only show that inspires me. Every season (for which there is no break between, I don't think) I am incredibly motivated and excited to start/keep up my fitness routine. The contestants are such inspirations!!!

But I have to admit (a teeny tiny bit) that I love Bob Harper. He is kind, generous, caring, supportive, and perhaps a bit gay...but I can't say that for sure. And I can't say "I hope not" either because even if he were straighter than that that watery path in Gibraltar, what would I do about it???

But last night's episode was just hilarious. If you saw it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The producers, once again proving that they'd go for drama over heart any day, decided to mix things up and switch up the teams. At first I thought "hey, big deal, at least you're still training!" But then I thought about the poor pudgies (and I mean that affectionately) going from Bob's team to Jillian's. It's like going from a modern kindergarten teacher to Sister Theresa's 1952 classroom. At first you're cozy and loved and supported and then BAM....you're paddled to a bloody pulp by someone who claims they're doing it for your own good.

Tough Love from Jillian:

"Pain is not your friend, pain is just pain."

"Let's see, how can I describe the last chance workout,...Beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, beatings, .... And when we're done with that...some more beatings!!"

"I believe in blood, sweat and tears."

BUT....then I got past feeling pity for them. When the sappy music started and the contestants started whining, Sione pulled his hood over his head and crossed his arms like a big stupid baby, everyone was crying...there was a slow-motion montage of Bob working with his former teammates. And then it happened....Bob Harper lost control. He was shedding tears like I do at bartime. There were moments when he couldn't even talk he was so choked up. There was a giant (wink) group hug as they all said goodbye and then Bob encouraged them to go on with their lives and train hard.

What in the SAM HELL???????? Who the hell died? People, Bob's RIGHT ACROSS THE GYM FROM YOU!!!! He may not be training you but take your girlie panties off and remember WHY you're there....not for warm fuzzies but to lose that flab!!! I'm not saying it was easy to work with a new trainer and yes, I understand, it was emotional. They've built bonds and relationships. It was cruel on the part of the show to do that...anything for ratings. I wish we'd just stick to the point of the show...losing weight, not creating drama. But....

These people are so lucky and I absolutely love the cast this season. They all make me work harder and I think each one is so sincere in their desire to make a better life through health. They've been given a gift and talk about looking the gift horse in the mouth...

Jillian made a great point when she said this was incredibly advantageous because contestants were going to learn 2 different methods for overall health... True up, Satan's sister. You'd think they were all sent home and forced to do it the way we're all forced to do it...on our own. Wow, did they piss me off.

Sione saying he worked but didn't want to work that hard because it was Jillian training him and he didn't care as much. About what???? About your health? About losing weight? About not having your nose up Bob's ass anymore? You love Bob $250,000 worth????

I really hope that editing just made it look that ridiculous, but even editing can't make up the conversation and tears that took place. It happened. I just hope they pulled themselves together and will now learn to work as a team, a new team...

Can you even imagine if this is how we behaved at work and we got a new boss???? "But I don't want to work for you even if I learn more skills and expand my resume!!!! I don't want to be worth more money!!!! I don't want to work with my new coworkers!!!! I want my mommy!!!!" *stomps on floor, crosses arms defiantly, pouts and hunches over*

Excuse me while I boast but....I was right!

Friday the 13th tanked on it's second weekend in theaters, earning just short of 9 million dollars. Compared to it's 40.5 million dollar opening weekend, this is a drop off of 80.4%.

Let me tell you what that means...it means that the shitpile that was the F13 remake now claims 6th place on the Biggest Second Weekend Drop Off list of all time. Imagine how many movies have been made in cinematic history... Only 5 movies tanked more severely their second weekend, Gigli and Return to the Blue Lagoon being two of them.

Of course, considering it costed under 20 million to make, it's still a success. But my oh my, word spreads fast!!!

The Family Size that Satisfies.....What family!?

Pick 'N Save really irks me. I don't know who their buyers are, but they NEVER have the Oncor Salisbury Steaks that my husband and son so adore. I know, the thought makes me shudder too...pressed "meat" patties swimming in gravy that, if left out for an hour or two, completely congeals into brown sludge. Sounds tasty, doesn't it? Yeah, not to me either...

But the boys love them. Braeden, when left to his own devices, will devour three patties himself. He's three. Therefore, he now thinks the company downsized packaging (much like those cunning girl scouts) and only 4 come in a box. I've got many tricks up my sleeve.

I had a coupon and Oncor meals were on sale, so I thought I'd treat my favorite men. The thing was only going to cost me $1.49. Can't beat that!!! But, alas, the buyers at Pick 'N Save failed me again and there wasn't a pressed, grill-marked patty in sight. I wanted to use the coupon so I got the Mostaccioli with meatballs. The back of the box touts that it's so good you'll claim the authentic recipe as your own.

To that, I say....WTF????? Did you just meet your first stove and pan yesterday?

Isn't their whole ad campaign the "family size that satisfies"??? Who, exactly, is satisfied by 20 tubes of pasta and some runny sauce? I am not kidding...that was my portion. 20 goddamn tubes of overdone pasta swimming in red sauce. I'm not a meatball fan so I opted out of those. But Joe had the same amount of pasta as I did (20 tubes...not kidding here) and the meatballs. Braeden had 2 meatballs and 8 tubes, all of which he decided he didn't want to eat. And that was the entire container. Back of the box says it serves 5. 5 what? 5 midgets??? Do they realize at corporate that the portion size for each of 5 people would be roughly 9 tubes of pasta and 1-1/2 meatballs???

(Okay, fancypants...I know what you're thinking...."That's not Nutrisystem!!!" True-up my friend. But caloricly, there were actually fewer calories in my dinner than had I gone the NS route.)

I know we're hair deep in this recession here but they cannot possibly sleep at night advertising that "now more than ever" Oncor is your cheap, filling dinner solution.

But........... it did only cost $1.49, so I guess, what should I have expected for $.50 a serving????

Day 4 Check-in/Boot Camp Class

I've gotten through nearly 4 days of Nutrisystem and I am happy as a stuffed clam (but really, where did this expression come from? Do clams have feelings? And if by some slim chance they did, would they be happy to be stuffed???). It's been very easy and I am still incredibly motivated. Just to be safe though, I'm eating all my favorite NS meals right off the bat as opposed to saving them for when I hit a slump. That's just never worked. 4 Days = 100%....unless you count that glass and a half of wine last night. Guess you have to.

I went to Boot Camp class this morning at the gym. OH MY GOD. I'm somewhat fit but this was just ridiculous. You'd think all I ever did for exercise was circle the mall a few times and end up at the food court. I tried pacing myself but was still served my own ass on a silver platter. I had to modify most exercises as I can only do shoulder presses with resistance bands so long before my arms pop off in a bloody mess. I doubt these die-hards would stop long enough to mop up the mess.

It was an hour of pure torture. Running. Sprinting. Spinning. Lifting. Pressing. Stepping. Lunging. Pushing. Sit-Ups. Push-Ups. Inchworms. We even lifted the steps above our heads and did shoulder presses WHILE sprinting. Becky wasn't effing around.

I nearly collapsed. Four times. I thought I was going to throw up several times, and I'm pretty sure that once I did a little bit. I threw my resistance band 5 feet away from me and just lifted my arms, half-assed, because 45 minutes into this crap that was all I could do. I rested that damn step right on top of my sweaty head while walking, not running. NO BECKY, I cannot raise it above my head, even though it's only 30 more seconds. Do you understand that my shoulders are THROBBING? I don't want to be Lou Flipping Ferrigno. I want to be cute and petite.

We are big fans of The Biggest Loser and so many times, I've thought about how cool it would be to be on that show. To have someone scream at you until you're so afraid you're going to pee your pants so you just DO it. I have newfound respect for those contestants, because this is what they do 6-8 hours a day.

Glad I did it though, and I'll probably do it again next week. Perhaps I'll view it as punishment for screwing myself up so badly over the past few months. I think (I hope?) that it will get a little easier and I'll at least be able to keep up and maybe, just maybe, not have to modify.

I just hope there's no babies in the daycare tomorrow as I can state most assuredly that I will not be able to pick them up. I don't think I'll be able to move.

GREED!

From Fox News:

Postmaster General Gets Pay Bonus as Agency Falters

Postmaster General John Potter's base salary climbed to $265,000 last year from $186,000 in 2007. He also received a performance bonus of $135,000. In all his total compensation -- salary, bonuses, retirement benefits and other perks -- topped $850,000, a spokesman with the U.S. Postal Service told FOXNews.com on Wednesday.


Well, at least we know why stamps are going up another 2 cents... And I guarantee this chump doesn't work nearly as hard or honestly as half the husbands I know, including mine.

$850,000!!! Meanwhile, we're on budget lock-down here. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn't it?

"The Bachelor".... Most dramatic Final Rose Ceremony EVER

I'm seriously laughing my butt off right now.

If you watch the Bachelor or are even familiar with it and it's laughable premise, you are aware of the rose ceremonies and Final Rose, where the Bachelor picks the lady he wants to spend "the rest of his life with", or the one he wants to have crazy mad sex with for a week or two. Track record is similar to a plate of pasta in front of me...doesn't last real long.

After Monday's "dramatic" episode, "The Bachelor's" answer to Jeff Probst informs us there will be 2 "After the Final Rose" episodes, and something so dramatic happens that they had to have a closed set due to the sensitive nature of the situation.

Lordiness. For YEARS, Chris Harrison has been touting each and every episode of the the show to be the "most dramatic ever." Boy, meet Wolf. Wolf, meet Boy.

So now, after years and years of this rubbish, we're supposed to believe something crazy is going to happen that will blow all other finales away. Yawn.

Okay, not yawn, because as usual, I buy all this crap hook, line and sinker. I'm not saying I buy it on an emotional level, as though I actually care about these people. I buy it on the "I need to know" level.

From here on out, I will talk about spoilers but not reveal them. Not everyone is like me and wants to know beforehand!

Until a few days ago, I'd never heard of a chap named "Reality Steve." I guess he's some staple blogger who is, you guessed it, obsessed with reality tv. And he's obsessed with "The Bachelor." Hrm.....I don't even know that many women who watch the show, but there's our pal Steve, following the show and blogging nearly every day. Dude, Laura Bush called...she wants her skirt back.

On the ABC boards yesterday, there were rumors swirling about that Reality Steve had all the answers and knows exactly what is "so shocking" and "sensitive". Why Steve? How does he know? It doesn't matter, because he announced that he would be spilling the beans this morning on YouTube. All your questions will be answered in a self-videotaped message, or possibly 3 consecutive videos, because there is just so much to say.

So I went to work today and damn near counted the minutes until I could get home and watch him share what he claims he's known all along, and is only sharing because he's been concerned about the false rumors being spread on what the "sensative" situation could possibly be. I've read that Molly is pregnant. Melissa is pregnant. Stephanie is really his sister. His ex-wife makes a scene about how he exploited his child. Melissa's parents are dead. Melissa had a sex change (no, I am not kidding).

So Reality Steve, listening to his conscience, decides to put all rumors to bed and tell us what he really knows. What a guy!!!

I just finished watching the videos. I want those 20-some minutes of my life back. In that time, I could have worked out. I could have entered Uppercase Living orders. I could have cleaned my bathroom. Washed my sheets. Folded laundry. Took a shower. Dusted. Vacuumed. Slept. Anything other than watch that display of self-appreciation.

I am wordy but this man takes the cake. He took 20-some odd minutes to tell us what he could have said in no more than 3 minutes. This man obviously loves himself so much that he needed to film himself for nearly a half hour. He talks to his dog. He shifts around like crazy. He pumps himself so full of importance that you wonder why he isn't curing cancer. He makes weird faces. Uses dramatic pauses. It's all here, folks. One stop shopping.

He even goes on to discuss conspiracy theories that even those who think our own government flew the planes into the Twin Towers would be proud of. Who knew tv producers had so much power!

THIS is why we have YouTube. To have people create their own stardom.

Does he have the answers? Did he really know what he was talking about? Well, only time will tell I suppose as the finale is still a week away, and the second After the Final rose is nearly two weeks away. But at least I can sleep tonight knowing what Reality Steve thinks is going to happen...

Is it shocking? Not really. Not if you've seen ANY episode of the past seasons of the Bachelor.

Daily Weight-Loss Challenge Weigh In #2

Day 2 and I am so happy to say that I kicked butt on Nutrisystem yesterday and today thus far. You may think that's no big deal....it's only a day and a half! Oh, but it is. The first few days are always the hardest, especially when going from normal food to prepacked food.

Kicked my own ass at the gym this morning for 2 hours and I feel great. I love Tuesdays and Thursdays as Braeden is in preschool, and instead of driving PAST the gym to go home, I dedicated myself to the Gym Gods for that time. I've been doing that dedicated time for a month and a half and it's awesome. And since, I've also been much more committed to working out the other 3 days of the work week, if not Saturday too. I love the fact that I've gotten back into this habit and am going strong, and I did so BEFORE hopping back on the Nutrisystem bandwagon. I think that's partially my problem...I go all gung-ho on something and do it 300% but the get burned out. It's too much change all at once. I think this was a smart way to do it!

I just know Becky is going to make me go to Boot Camp on Thursday, and I'm terrified. But I will take it at my own pace. I am the same girl who walked out of Kickboxing 15 minutes in and basically told the instructor to go to hell. I'm so pleasant, aren't I? But she told me to just take it slow and ease into it, and she's the instructor, so I guess I'll give it a go.

There may be another very bitchy post on Thursday.

(In Dana Carvey's Church Lady's Voice) ... Isn't that SPECIAL????

Well, the twerps over at Platinum Dunes have officially ruined my day. It's heavily rumored they are working on a sequel to the crapfest that was "Friday the 13th". Isn't that SPECIAL???

I can't believe they even have the time to discuss this while working on completely butchering/remaking another shining star of horror...A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Am I on a different planet? Who actually thinks all of this is a GOOD idea???

I am apologizing ahead of time

I am apologizing ahead of time for the imminent bitchiness that is, as of right now, peacefully slumbering, awaiting it's headlining appearance.

"Still pissed about that Friday remake?" No. As of today, I started Nutrisystem again.

Nutrisystem in itself does not make me bitchy. I had great success with it nearly 3 years ago after becoming a hippopotamus while pregnant, and then continuing with hippopotomy-ways post-birth. 60 pounds. That's what you get when your pregnancy cravings consist of nothing but Hamburger Helper. 10 for $10 Hamburber Helper.

I was on Nutrisystem for 3-1/2 months or so (steadily for 2 and then slowly adding back in normal food for another month or two) and lost a whopping 40 pounds. I know, you're thinking "but you gained 60, Amanda, you said so yourself." Thanks for doing the math and pointing that out, but I did manage to shed some weight when I had a baby pulled out of a scar-inducing slit in my stomach, and when I stopped eating Hamburger Helper 7 days a week. I'm not totally out of control.

Okay, see why I apologized? Bitchy me.

Anyways.... I lost 40 pounds and got down to what I can remember being the fittest I'd ever been. I exercised religiously, ate well, and really applied myself. Many think Nutrisystem is some quick-fix fad diet that you can't possibly maintain because you're not eating the food forever. True, you're not, but it does teach you certain principles, ratios and portion sizes that, unless you're a total dipshit, you CAN apply to real-life and be successful. I was case in point and did just that, even lost more after I went off the pre-packaged food.

Then came 2008. THIS is why I'm bitchy. Why the hell did 2008 even HAPPEN? We lost a tremendous amount of money in the markets. Sales have slowed dramatically at Joe's company. Braeden turned into a very demanding, head-strong and challenging 3-year old (only sometimes but still, it's harder than age 1). Grocery prices and gas went sky high. Obama was elected President.

Shame. I promised I wouldn't do that anymore.

And in 2008, I gained weight. Not a pound or two. Let's say it's enough to make most of my pants not fit correctly. I have a muffin top when I wear them and then my shirts look stupid. My once-cute boobs feel like they're popping out of my bra, even though Joe assures me they are not. My ass feels like it's taken on a life of it's own, like it just woke up and realized it was missing out on the party. My face seems fuller. And my thighs....oh, let's not even talk about my thighs.

"But Amanda, you got yourself there." Yes, thank you very much, AGAIN, for pointing out the obvious. I really slacked on exercising, and although I didn't quit it altogther, it definitely was not as high-priority as it was before. I took many more liberties with food. Pizza became my friend again. You know, the kind of friend you think is your friend but they're really just waiting in the wings to steal your boyfriend... Wine. Oh Lordiness, did I indulge in the wine. And beer. And chips. Pasta... You name it, I probably ate it.

I am an idiot for thinking it wouldn't catch up with me. But 2008, the year from Hell, made sure that it did. In a big way. And I've decided to do something about it. I am taking control. I am doing what I know works because it worked wonderfully in the past. So Nutrisystem, I am here old Buddy. I enjoyed your Pasta with Beef for lunch and look forward to Mac and Cheese for dinner. No more Cheez-its. You hear that Ed? No more Cheez-Its.

I will be fabulous by mid-Spring and stunning by Summerfest. I will win this battle. And I'm blogging about. How stupid am I to document this????

Friday Remake - Seriously?

When I first heard they were remaking "Friday the 13th", the groan probably shook our windows. In a sad display of evaporating originality, Hollywood has made it a mission to destroy the genre I so adore by remaking every single movie I've loved since childhood. My Bloody Valentine, Amityville Horror, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Fog... Halloween - Hell, even Michael Myers wasn't safe when they turned Rob Zombie loose to interpret the killer John Carpenter once described as "a force of nature" because he was just that...a force of nature. Zombie interpreted this to mean that he was a product of an in-bred, trailer-trash abusive family and a stripper mother. Of course, that must be what John Carpenter meant by "force of nature"!!!

But, being the fangirl that I am, I looked forward to seeing Jason on the big screen again. Nothing gets my blood flowing like witnessing others lose theirs (in a movie, of course!!!) and if it's by Jason's hands, machete, axe, arrow, etc, then the happier I am!

Who the hell was I kidding? What was I expecting? Did I actually expect anything good to come out of Platinum Dunes, the company financing this mess? Sadly, I did, and sadly, I was mistaken.

I'll spare you the review as odds are you don't care. But I will say that I'm completely able to suspend disbelief when watching these types of movies. You have to, or else you just won't enjoy it. It's not realistic, and that's the fun of it. But there were at least two dozen times during this "film" that I wanted to yell "WTF!!!!!!!?????"

For instance:

-If I ever met anyone that talked like the kids do in this movie, I'd beg Jason to kill me just so I wouldn't have to listen.

-Who water skis without a top on? Joe enjoyed that, but really?

-If you hadn't seen the original, would you even understand the impact of Jason's mom's beheading? Would you even understand WHY she was beheaded?

-What happened to the girl that beheaded mom? We know she survived, so wouldn't she have TOLD someone what she went through? Like, the COPS?

-But A few years later, another group goes to the camp and gets slaughtered. A cop tells one inquisitive man that they sent the best men out to look for clues on the missing teens and found nothing and have no reason to suspect foul play. REALLY???? After a massacre a few years back and now 8 teens are missing, they suspect nothing and found nothing. Not even the bloodied, busted up GPS our third group finds sitting in the middle of the damn hiking trail. Or the abandoned cabin Jason's been calling home, complete with severed head. Booby traps? The fact that the abandoned camp was lit up like a carnival at night??? Crystal Lake's finest force hard at work here.

-Back to mom, would you even have known that was her stupid head in the cabin?

-The rats were eating everything else, but NOT her severed head?

-When did Jason have time or skill to create such elaborate exterior lighting? And who is paying for that? Surely the power company would notice electricity being used at an abandoned camp.

-And in between the electric triumphs, when and how on Earth did he learn to create all those trenches and underground passageways? Again, there they are in plain sight and the cops never found them in their massive investigation????

-Jason now uses warning system traps? To alert him that someone is coming and his secrets may be revealed? Does he really give a shit?

-Why did Jason look so feverishly through 3 canoes for intruders only to basically shrug it off and walk away? Short attention span?

-Could the writers and directors have made it any LESS climactic when he found his mask? It was to become his identity for chrissakes!

-There are a bunch of teens missing and our "good" girl decides to take a hike with the creepy guy she JUST met?

-And finally....the wood chipper is begging to be used in a creative kill, especially for the demise of our man Jason. But what do the two stupid loser "survivors" decide to do? Turn it off and CARRY the presumed-dead serial killer to the lake where then dump him into his "grave". Why not just secure his fate in the barn? Why on Earth would you dump the evidence Crystal Lake's finest would need to confirm the story?????????

Ugh, I'm just sickened. In fact, I think I'll watch the original today while I'm working out. It may not have been Oscar-worthy, but it wasn't this shit pile.

A Good Haircut = A New Woman!

Don't you just love how you feel after you get a good haircut? Luckily, for me, almost every haircut is a good one (in the sense that it's never botched up, not meaning that I've always made the best judgment call on style) because I've found the uber-stylist... I have naturally curly hair and until 3 years ago, I resigned myself to the fact that I would always have a "fro". White girl with big hair. Bell-head. Poodle-head. Goldilocks. Bush. (weird that that one came from my Uncle. If the high school boys ever caught wind of that one.....)

Then I met Megan and my life changed. She completely understood my hair and knew exactly how to deal with it. Taught me how to tame it. Showed me the right products (you mean Pantene wasn't working???). Gave me a "style." It was fantastic. You know why she knows how to deal with my hair??? Because I have "black hair." Yep, me, the whitest girl on the planet (in many senses of the word), I have african american hair. Who knew I wasted my hair youth on white stylists??

Whatever the hell it is, I've got it under control and feel like a new woman today. I cannot believe how long and out of control it was. Sure, I dabbled in the idea of growing it out, but in the name of my own sanity, we nixed that idea. Back to easy, low maintenance and stylish. Ahhhh....

Now, if only she could trim my thighs.

How to ruin a perfectly good day / I'm an idiot

I hate Reynolds Wrap. I hate cling wrap (let's be honest, does that stuff ever work the way it's supposed to? Sure it clings to your nails, itself, granite countertops...but it never sticks to the damn bowl you're trying to cover). Until I discovered Press 'N Seal, I classified other so-called convenience wraps the way I classify white underwear....useless. (And don't give me the argument that you need white panties to wear under white pants and shorts....you don't, you need nude colored undergarments. Trust me.). But my love affair with Press and Seal is beside the point.

I hate aluminum foil and cling wrap mostly because my toes have long suffered for the engineering mishaps of the box these stupid rolls are placed in. I'll be having a perfectly good day and go to wrap leftovers and BAM!!!!!!! Out of the box flies the entire roll, and onto my toes it lands. Do you even know how heavy those rolls are? Of course you do, because it's happened to you. It happens to us all. No matter how slowly and carefully you pull out your desired length of product (which you just know is either going to be too long or too short anyways), that stupid frappin' 17 pound cylinder of pain is going to come out and cause harm.

Apparently I'm an idiot, and I suspect most of you are as well as I've never heard any of you mention this before... Did you know there are NOTCHES on the side of every Reynold's Foil box for you to press in...they act like anchors to keep the roll where it belongs, inside the box!!!! Who the hell knew!!??

I only discovered this courtesy of my neighbor's e-mail... Observe much, Amanda? Apparently not.

Snuggie Blankets

Oh my God!!!! I used to have one of these! It was called a robe.

Don't Give Up on Love!!!

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Judgement by Shopping Cart?

So it's come to my attention that some women judge others based on what is in their shopping cart. They claim that they can tell so much about a person by what they see in the checkout line belt... Lots of frozen meals, chips and beer, must be a bachelor! Juice, white bread and peanut butter and jelly, must be a mom trying to be a good mom but really having no clue. Cheetos, orange juice, and carrots...must be going to an "All-Orange Party." All frozen things together, cans stacked, and boxes neatly packed....must be anal-retentive. All merchandise all amiss....PSYCHO!!!!

Okay, really? Is this REALLY happening? I've been known to glance in others carts, but it almost just happens subconsciously, not because I want to play Psychologist and figure out their personalities. Now I'm totally freaked about my cart. What does it say about me?

Let's see....if I'm at Pick 'N Save or Wal-Mart, Braeden is sitting in the car-attachment part of the cart holding a box of Scooby-Doo Mac and Cheese. I thought this was cute and he's sure having a blast. But no....That must mean I can't bother dealing with my child so I banish him to another part of the cart before feeding him poison, aka white pasta. The front part of my cart (under the seat) is loaded with vegetables and fruit. Well, because I hate my son (obviously) these fruits and vegetables are for me. I am selfish. Slim Fast, so I must have self-image issues. But there's Twinkies in the cart too.... Uh oh, call Dr. Phil. Fat thin fat thin fat thin. I have frozen pizzas and also Boboli breads, sauces and cheese. Wants to be Martha Stewart but settles for Rachel Ray. Interesting.

You think.... Whole wheat bread...well, at least she's doing something right. Refrigerated cookie dough. Sigh. Well, it's obviously not for her banished child, so she must be planning on binging on the entire tube. That's okay, she'll have Slim-Fast the next morning. Oatmeal...nice choice! But fruit snacks? Do you really hate the kid so much you allow him to have kiddie cocaine??? Ham. Ham, really? Hatin' her husband too if she's giving him all that sodium, hoping his BP will suck. Unless, of course, the Twinkies are for him, then she's just trying to kill him. Whole wheat waffles, English muffins and bagels. Obviously wants to try and do the right thing but does any human being need that many carbs? And skim milk. SKIM MILK!!!???? But he's just a baby! He needs whole milk until he's 1. No 3. No wait, this month the magazines say 5. And I just read in that same magazine that kids shouldn't have hot dogs until they're 12. Call child protective services. She's not fit to be a mother. Must be having and affair and is trying to do away with her family. Diet Pepsi??? Oh Lord, this is worse than we thought! She uses artificial sweeteners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, I beg of you people, you cart-looking judgers..... Back away. Slowly. Do not judge me. Have you ever been hit in the head with a can of Healthy Request Cream Soup? Yeah, that's right....I said CREAM SOUP.

Instead of scoping out my cart, get your damned checkbook ready, because I'm willing to bet you're the one who waits until the VERY end to fill it in.

Why I'm Going to Start Supporting Hunters

I'm not a big hunting supporter. I understand why they do it and all, can't have those damn deer running wild, overpopulating, etc. But I just don't get the enjoyment of it all.

Until now. I think I'm going to get my hunting license just so I can shoot that damn groundhog. 6 more weeks of winter...

Blow it's head off. Please.