The Day the Music Died

The world lost a legend yesterday.

You cannot turn on the television or radio right now without hearing all about the tragic loss of one of music's most incredible icons, Michael Jackson. When news of Farrah Fawcett's death hit yesterday, I asked Joe who he thought the third would be...you know, these things always come in threes. First was Ed McMahon, then Farrah....who would be next? Joe said Patrick Swayze. I almost slapped him. I'm not the President of Johnny Castle's fan club or anything, but I admire the guy and his determination. Never, ever in my wildest dreams that it would be Michael Jackson.

To children of the 80's, he WAS music. If I sat and tried to recount all of my memories involving MJ, this blog entry would go on forever. I can honestly say that he was the first artist that propelled me from listener to fan....and a damn near rabid fan at that. I had the shirts, buttons, tapes, VHS recordings of his videos...hell, at one time, I even had a red leather jacket. Although it didn't look anything like the article he made famous, in my mind, it was perfect. I knew all the lyrics of Thriller and BAD by heart (and now my favorite MJ CD is "Off the Wall"....It was years before I could recognize how amazing and groundbreaking that CD really is). I thought I was going to marry him. I mean, look at that completely natural, unaltered face...the man was sexy as hell...



(I know plenty would argue, but I thought he was gorgeous)

One of my earliest memories involving MJ was in our home in Arizona, circa 1985.... "We are the World" was released and I remember dancing around our unusually large great room with the song blasting from our file-cabinet sized speakers. I pretended I was Cyndi Lauper, because who DIDN'T want to be her at the time? But I was wearing my Michael t-shirt and when the song was over, I couldn't figure out how to switch the tape to play "Thriller." Goes to show you how different things are nowadays... my son can easily switch his own DVD's. Psh.

Ask any of my friends what the logical progression of any evening with me and cocktails involves....

1) Amanda drinks
2) Amanda's volume goes up
3) Amanda cries about thinking she's a terrible mom because she's cocktailing
4) Amanda plays Michael Jackson CDs

The chain of events is inevitable. Despite the headlines that overshadowed his music starting with the face lightening, child molestation allegations, and oddity after oddity, I was still a fan. There are very few artists that I can put aside their personal lives or beliefs for to just enjoy the music (Springsteen, I'm pointing at you...and Cake, you're on thin ice). My enthusiasm for the man never faltered. I doubt it ever will.

So as I sit and watch the stream of endless videos (they so far went beyond videos...they were events) on MTV today, I'm not ashamed to admit I get a little teary eyed now and then. He was the mark of a generation and his impact was global. It's a shame that so many will only remember the quirky, damn near scary Michael Jackson. Future generations will never know how he made us feel, the excitement, the energy because it was something you had to experience first hand. But to those of us who were there, who lived it and grew up with Billy Jean, yesterday was a sad day. It was our Beatles passing. Our Elvis.

It was the day OUR music died.

RIP Michael.

A Mom's Main Duty

I just asked Braeden what he thought my main job as a mom was.

His response: "To make sure I don't get out of my bed."

Strange thing is that I thought I had many more important duties than that??? I mean, in his three year old mind, that probably does seem like what I spend a lot of mom hours doing (see post below on bedtime excuses). But there are many other, what I what consider, MAIN parts of my job as a mom. After all, I have to:

-Make sure he is warm, fed and safe on a daily basis
-Make sure he has clean clothes and underwear
-Cuddle him when he is sick
-Cuddle him when he is not
-Enrich him with exciting activities so his mind will grow
-Make sure he is secure so he feels free to explore the world around him
-Make him laugh
-Listen to him endlessly talk about tractors and diggers
-Remind him to pull the grundy out from his crack when he has his bathing suit on
-Tell him his shorts are on backwards
-Take him to the Power Center to get new "Simpidy" (Simplicity) pamphlets when he wears his down to the fibers
-Get the bugs out of the pool so he can play in it for 3 minutes until he decides to mow the lawn
-Pick the boogers out of his nose with my pinky nail
-Make sure his Cub Cadet power wheels riding mower is plugged in every night so it's charged every morning
-Give him time outs, sometimes upwards of 10 times a day....for the same thing
-Remind him that "poopy" is potty talk and not to be discussed in the presence of others
-Make him pot pie for lunch, at his request, only for him to eat the crust on certain occasions
-Make him 8 fish sticks and listen to him beg for more as though he had the stomach of a 20 year old
-Pretend to spray for bugs outside
-Search high and low for the tractor he got from the Dells last year so he can sleep with it
-Scrub the toilets often as sometimes, aiming just isn't fun
-Stiffle laughter as he throws himself onto the floor in fits because I won't turn on the oven and make him pot pie when it's 107 degrees outside (and because it may be the one out of 7 times he only eats the crust)
-Teach him that peeing on the patio is not appropriate, especially when we have guests
-Feed him string cheese without strings, because apparently strings are evil
-Remind him that it's probably not a great idea to tell everyone he meets that Daddy is funny because Daddy farts all the time...


I consider all of these very important Motherly duties. I suppose that making sure he doesn't come out of his bed 10 times an evening before finally going to sleep is important as well. It's just funny that that is the one thing he remembers... ;)




(and no, this is not said bed...I just thought the picture was cute)

TLC Grows Some Balls

Thank you TLC for announcing that "Jon and Kate Plus 8" is going on hiatus. It's nice to see that someone is looking out for those children.

Too bad the decision came from the network and not the parents. Makes you wonder who really has the kids best interest at heart, doesn't it?

Jon and Kate Plus the Hate

Am I the only person who hasn't watched this trainwreck unfold? It seems everyone I know watches this show. Because I am curious by nature, I had to tune in last night to see what the "Big Announcement" was. I was hoping it was that Kate was going to do something different with her hair. It really is quite distracting. Instead, it was the news that they are separating. Boo Effing Hoo. Big surprise.

I am sickened by these two. Although I have never seen the "happier times" that I've heard were filmed early on in the series, what I saw last night was enough to tell me that Kate is a self-absorbed shrew. She sat there and went on and on about how everything she does she does for the children and they mean so much to her. Speaking Mother to Mother, you do not parade your children in front of the world while your marriage is unfolding and claim you are doing it for the children. Divorce is a private matter and at the first sign things were unraveling, a responsible parent would have pulled out of the show. Contractual obligations broken, pay the penalties out of the fortune you've made off the show. Your family and children's well being is worth it. Give up the free trips, spa makeovers, wardrobe and lavish home.

They both claim they're pressing on with the show to provide for the kids. Are they so jaded they don't even realize that parents raise children all the time and provide with an actual JOB? That kids are perfectly happy being middle class, forgoing the stupid crooked houses and visits from American Choppers as long as they feel loved and secure?

Your job as a parent is to raise well adjusted kids who will grow on to be competent, contributing adults. Divorce is never easy, but doing it in the public eye when you're just trying to find your place in the world is potentially devastating. Why would you want to document their heartache for all to see? Are they so beyond rationality that they cannot see that? These children are going to need extra love and support, and complete and utter focus from their separating parents. NOT to have a film crew follow each tear. Does anyone really want to watch an episode where the kids place self blame and ask Kate "What did we do to make you not love each other anymore?" You're sick twisted if you do.

Shame on TLC and shame on the Gosselin parents.

These two need to take the high road and act on their words...put those kids first. Take things behind closed doors and give them a chance. Until you do so, do not expect anyone to believe your children are the most important things in the world to you.



In it for the kids or in it for bad hair?

Nature's Sick and Twisted Sense of Humor

What would you think if you came home after a nice, relaxing summertime weekend and saw THIS in one of your mulch beds???




If you're anything like me, you'd think a deer wandered into your yard and puked up half his stomach. I thought I was going add to the pile of what appeared to be vomit with some of my own.

Because my on-call horticulturist (wink) was on her own sun-soaking vaca, I decided to do a little bit of research myself. Apparently I am not alone in thinking that this foaming mass was vomit. It's called slime mold, but commonly referred to as "dog vomit fungus." Funny thing is that it is not a fungus at all, although that does little to make me feel better.

Wikipedia tells me this:

Life cycle

They begin life as amoeba-like cells. These unicellular amoebae are commonly haploid and multiply if they encounter their favorite food, bacteria. These amoebae can mate if they encounter the correct mating type and form zygotes which then grow into plasmodia. These contain many nuclei without cell membranes between them, which can grow to be meters in size. One variety is often seen as a slimy yellow network in and on rotting logs. The amoebae and the plasmodia engulf microorganisms. The plasmodium grows into an interconnected network of protoplasmic strands.[4]

Within each protoplasmic strand the cytoplasmic contents rapidly stream. If one strand is carefully watched for about 50 seconds the cytoplasm can be seen to slow, stop, and then reverse direction. The streaming protoplasm within a plasmodial strand can reach speeds of up to 1.35 mm per second which is the fastest rate recorded for any organism.[5] Migration of the plasmodium is accomplished when more protoplasm streams to advancing areas and protoplasm is withdrawn from rear areas. When the food supply wanes, the plasmodium will migrate to the surface of its substrate and transform into rigid fruiting bodies. The fruiting bodies or sporangia are what we commonly see, they superficially look like fungi or molds but are not related to the true fungi. These sporangia will then release spores which hatch into amoebae to begin the life cycle again.[4]

Now I really wish I paid attention in biology instead of just copying my ex-boyfriend's notes.

That's right, that mass actually fucking moves. Excuse my language, but I am at a loss on what else to say when I find out that I have nomadic mold growing in the mulch beds I've worked rather hard at maintaining this year. Apparently, when it's done migrating and eating, it bleeds to death. Well, not actually, but it oozes red blood like material that is a sign that the mass is breaking down. We can't even move the bitches until they're all dried and shriveled up or else they'll spray spores all over hell and multiply.

I'm told this is all very normal and happens all the time. Again, doesn't make me feel a whole lot better.

Best part about all this...there isn't a damn thing at all we did to cause this and there isn't a damn thing at all we can do to prevent it in the future. We are up to 5 masses now.

My son thinks it's cool. I think Nature is sick and effing twisted.


Slime mold in it's early stages...you know, the stage where it MOVES


(note these are not pictures from my yard...only ones I found on the net. Either way, it's repulsive)

Summer, Summer, Summertime...Time to Sit Back and Unwind

We are officially selling our house, buying something cheaper and also buying our dream cabin up in the Wisconsin Dells.

Well, not really. But in a few years, I will be happy to say goodbye to my house in favor of a more laid back lifestyle. One that can include many more weekends like this past one.

We had the pleasure of spending the weekend at my sister and brother in law's family cabin in Montello, WI. It was exactly what a good summer weekend is made of...good food, beautiful lake, pontooning, kid's laughter, sun, campfire, and beer. Too much of the latter but that will not be the topic of my first blog entry in nearly two weeks. Those who know us well know that we do not need to state the most obvious.

In fact, there isn't much to post about. We laughed a ton and everyone was so happy. It's been a while again since we've all been together (all siblings and Dad, minus the youngest sister) and it was great to catch up. Braeden had a great time with his cousins and I'm sure he'll remember the weekend for the rest of his life. In fact, we actually saw some bravery in him as after nearly a half hour of coaxing by EVERYONE, he finally got in the lake. Then we couldn't get him out! I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face as he was out there being "one of the boys." It's the stuff kids live for.

I think the weekend is best summed up by photos...
















I am looking forward to many more summertime memories!!!

The Face of Fear

Have you ever spent $40 and gotten almost nothing out of the deal? In this economy, that doesn't sit too well with me but when you're on vacation, anything goes. Money goes like a nice big bottle of water after a spinning class. You've just got to suck it up and realize that vacation's gonna cost you. A lot.

This past weekend we had the pleasure of traveling to the Wisconsin Dells with our good friends and their son. The two boys are close in age so it was a lot of fun to watch them run around, being crazy... They had a blast. Well, at least the other boy did. Ours, we realized, is a big wimp. And I mean that with all the love in the world. Maybe I shouldn't call him a wimp, that sounds so awful for a mom to say. We'll call him thrill-seeking challenged.

Because we live and traveled in Wisconsin during June, the weather was a crapshoot. We got the crap. At one point, it was 49 degrees. Nobody packed enough warm weather clothes as we were trying to be optimistic. Know what optimism gets you? Nips that could cut glass. Screw optimism.

Anyways, because Mother Nature decided to take a dump on us, we had to spend most of our vacation indoors. I guess the Dells is the place to have that happen as there is so much to do indoors, including indoor waterparks. We partook in those and it helped ease some of the vacation blues. But indoor waterparks include a lot of indoor waterslides. Have I mentioned that my son is "thrill-seeking challenged"? Waterslides are grouped into that category of fun things my child will not do.

To his credit, he did go down one of the giant waterslides with me. It took 20 minutes on the top deck to convince him to do it (thank God the lifeguard was patient and there was nobody else around wanting to go down) but he did it. He didn't really enjoy it. But he did it. Then we decided to take it easy and go on the lazy river. Joe sent both of us ass over head into the water when he tried getting on the raft with us. So set the tone for Braeden's braveness.

Saturday we went to Knuckleheads (look for the banner on the right side of blog, I'm sure), an indoor amusement park. It was great. The facility was perfect and there was so much to do. We bought Braeden the Kiddie Pass as he loves going to fairs and such with the stupid little motorcycles and trains. There were several of those types of rides so we thought we hit a gold mine. All the kid wanted to do when we got inside was ride the roller coaster. We were surprised but went with it. You have to jump on the opportunity when it presents itself.

I bet you can guess what happened. He freaked. The entire time. He screamed and cried. Joe rode with him and this is where I wonder what the hell kind of sadistic mother I am. I laughed. Not a little chuckle...I laughed my ass off. I know, it's sad. He was TERRIFIED. I should have been feeling a different emotion but it was so stinking funny. The look on his face. The look on Joe's face. I felt terrible for him but I couldn't help it.

And now I present you with the face that had me buckled over:



Come on, that's funny stuff...





I know, I'm terrible. It's my job as a Mother to make sure my child feels safe and secure. But I had to find some humor in the fact that the other little boy with us went on everything. Rides that I wouldn't think most 5 year olds would ride. He's a daredevil and therefore, his parents had a great time. After the coaster, my kid wouldn't even go on the kiddie planes that just go slowly in a circle. $40 down the drain. Forgive me if I have to find some humor in the situation... ;)

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Bedtime Excuses Galore

The crib is a beautiful invention. Not only does it keep the little ones safe and sound, it also provides parents with a little extra sanity. Braeden loved his crib. He looked forward to going to bed every night, every naptime... Of course, he had his beloved nuk as well. It never came out of the crib. Call it bribery or whatever you'd like, but that kid sucked on that piece of plastic for 3-1/2 years and we never fretted about it. He would just cuddle up in his crib and drift away...never called for us, never tried climbing out of it...no acrobatics here. NIghtime was so peaceful...Joe and I could sit down with a cocktail, play a game of Yahtzee or cribbage, read a book, etc, etc, etc.

When he turned 3-1/2, we figured we'd pushed the crib envelope as far as we could. He's not a baby anymore. It was time to convert the lifetime crib into a toddler bed. Braeden was thrilled.

Thrilled because he could get out of bed by himself.

Gone were the days of him sleeping until past 8 am. Now we're graced with his presence at 6:15 am. I am not a morning person. This does not work for me. But I can deal with it as we have DVR in our room. Scooby is my hero for I can get a few minutes of extra sleep.

What I cannot deal with is the cornucopia of bedtime excuses. This has only been exacerbated by the recent transition into his double bed. This only happened because the kid is so freaking tall he was almost too long for his toddler bed.

Here is an abbreviated list of Braeden Wayne's bedtime excuses:

- "I'm thirsty"
- "I have to go poopy." Does one pellet count?
- "I can't see my tractor." Yes, because it's bedtime and the lights go out.
- "My aquarium isn't working." Because you shut it off...you know how to turn it off but always miraculously "forget" how to turn it on, even though it's the same button.
- "By the way..." Finish statement with anything under the sun
- "I forgot to feed Girlie." The cat is fat, she'll live....and you don't feed her every day anyways.
-"We forgot to read a book." No we didn't; we read 3.
-"Papa has to take a time out because he forgot to wash his hands before dinner." Um....2 months ago.
-"My owie hurts." You know, the one you got two weeks ago. It suddenly hurts again.
-"I'm thirsty." Again.
-"I don't want this digger in my bed." Walk in to see that you pulled every single digger of his dresser and now decide you don't want them all there...all 14 of them.
-"Someone's mowing." At 9 pm in the dark? No they're not, Braeden.
-"Is Alex here?" Unless they came 4 days early and took a late night car ride, NO, he is not.
-"My _______ hurts." Fill in the blank.
-"Mommy and Daddy, you're uhposed to go to sweep." We can't because you won't leave us alone.

And the best of all....Drumroll please....

- "I need my whoopie cushion." Despite the fact I haven't seen it for 4.5 months; why does one need a whoopie cushion in bed???

There you have it, the short list.

Would it be wrong to put that crib back together again???